Friday 5 August 2016

I'm at Maxfield's Pancake House on Friday—I felt crappy all morning—but once I started riding my bike I felt good. What does that say? Ride bike more! I got up at 6 or so—read a little—then finished reading Chris's script, which he sent me a few days ago—and by 10am I was ready to get out of the apartment! So it was 2 hours of reading “Hampton” script and maybe 2 hours of my own stuff, which was maybe eating cereal and going to the bathroom—washing dishes. But I only read for like ½ hour—a book—where does the time go? The thing that's kind of messed up is—I feel like all the stuff I have to do for Chris really adds up—go to the office, find something, send mail, stuff like the script reading (though it doesn't come up often, it's actually a lot of hours) and then REX stuff where I'm just working on my own. All this stuff just adds up, and sometimes I think I should just get a regular job—but that's not so easy—and could actually be worse, too. Well, these are the problems, on and on. The one thing to make me feel better is to make something.

Tuesday 2 August 2016

In that I'm feeling basically unhappy lately, for no real good reason—I had to ask myself WHY—and try to make changes—because real pain and misery will come soon enough—why can't I feel better in these brief periods between the really bad stuff? Discussing here is my way of trying to make a change—since I'm not going to therapy and don't really have anyone to talk to about it. A lot of my worry is around my work (REX app) and pay, money, etc. But look—all I have to do is keep track of hours and decide what I should get paid per hour and and adjust how much I work accordingly—there is no one berating me or telling me I'm not doing enough—and I'm sure I am doing enough—I'm eternally too oversensitive—I just have to get over that.

Next—what am I really unhappy about? It is this: not working on my new novel (including the drawing and zine part?) and not working my old novel (including putting it on Kindle)—why don't I just work on those more? If I don't want to, it's okay! I'm the only one who cares—I should just do what makes me happy—I work on stuff every day. But if I just want to watch a movie or sports—that's okay. I do a lot, and what I want to do is more than anyone can possibly do, anyway. So what it comes down to is: it's all on me—I can't blame anyone else for my unhappiness—but it seems like that's what the human default setting tends to always try to do.

I'm at the Bollywood Grill on a fairly hot Tuesday—this food is delicious. Ate too much, as usual. I went for a walk this morning, listening to podcasts—short walk turned into a long walk—so I can now stay in for the rest of the day. I wish it was cooler—but still, not a fan of AC. Well, it's August and a month from my favorite weather time of the year.

Saturday 30 July 2016 – Maxfield's Pancake House

It's been awhile since I've been to Maxfield's. I had a flat tire on my old bike—but even more—I don't know really... too hot... too much REX work? Anyway, it was nice to get my tire fixed easily and cheaply last week, and nice to ride a bike! Still two solid months of good bike weather, plus, maybe October, maybe even November. I got my stuff ready for the IRS yesterday (to dispute a claim that I owe them $), not that hard—took only an hour—but the anxiety around the whole fiasco can't be underestimated. I woke up this morning full of anxiety—couldn't go back to sleep—out of sorts—why? Bad dreams, for one thing—have to get away from the dreams—buy why? Why bad ones? Most likely anxiety, it's this IRS stuff—but also, just REX stuff in general—I can't tell if it's just dying a horrible death—or if it's moving right along—working for Chris in general—I can't tell if he's happy about it or not, or indifferent—no communication. Maybe it's me, not writing enough, which I displace? Anyway, I'm not real happy with a lot of the REX work—and not happy with the pay. Maybe if I get my shit together—write, do art, and then find a job—maybe more $—maybe everything else will fall into place.

(Note: Word for possible use in K2 structure: PREDICATE—It might be a stretch, but read about the word and meaning—it certainly can be a bad band name and a weird ship name.)

Friday 29 July 2016

I'm at La Fuente, 625 S. 5th Street, after I walked for one and a half hours, trying to decide where to eat. (Or if I was.) I walked down to Mitchell Street and was really impressed with how sad some of he neighborhoods are—just pretty depressing and grim—and even though there are a lot of Mexican places on the South Side—they are spread way out—at least for a walker—it's really car zone here—I was like the only on walking most of where I walked—very lonely. And it's 70 degrees, Friday—great day to be out—and no one is! Kind of depressing. So finally I made my way back to La Fuente—I'm sure I've been here, but couldn't really remember. So now is the time. I had al pastor tacos—very saucy, tasty, onion and cilantro and lime—very good! With rice and beans--$11.41 with tax. Big lunch—I took pics (a lot of food). I can write my review—it's a popular gringo spot with huge outdoor dining—good music. Big bar and TVs, OK music, very popular, but solid.

Sunday 24 July 2016

I'm at El Comedor (1039 W. National at 11th) on a very humid day—when I went out it didn't seem too hot, but by the time I hit National it was like I entered a HEAT SINK (whatever that is—it sounds good). But I didn't feel that hot—but when I came in this place it was like I'd climbed out of a pond! Anyway, this place is great—big and spacious—kind of fast-foodish with crap tables (same ones as Mykonos). It's comfortable—and yuppie-free. Nice atmosphere, really. I got too much food! I couldn't decide. Huaraches are featured—but I want breakfast, since that's what I set out for (decided to skip Pfister, skipped Zak's, and Sunday Project). So I got huevos con chorizo—since that's what I used to get all the time at Lopez Bakery. It's good, not spectacular. Anyway, I think I could order better next time—the good part—they make corn tortillas here—they are big and good—four came with breakfast—too much food! *Must return to try more stuff to properly review.

Thursday 14 July 2016 – Vagabond Tacos

“High School Art Class” by Chet Faker (Music I didn't like on the DJ system.) $2 taco Tuesday/Thursday (like BelAir in many respects) only a few select tacos are $2 – chips are not gluten-free—fried with other fried stuff! (8305 N Regent Road – No idea why this address is here in my notebook!) The waitress—great—really nice, checked on gluten-free stuff—like she really cared! It's more of a bar, really—Winnebagos (or fake Winnebagos?) used in the décor. (This is my second visit—first was with Doug.) Much the same—tacos are too busy, too many ingredients, not enough tortilla. Atmosphere sucks—Water Street bar, essentially, it is. Food too busy, but still tasty, and the $2 deal is cool (wish it included rice and beans).

Wednesday 13 July 2016

I'm at Lou Mitchell's in Chicago—on my layover of Amtrak trains between Sandusky—where I just visited for a week—and Milwaukee, and back home—if Milwaukee is my home, which it seems to be. Anyway, I had a nice visit for a week in Sandusky. I didn't write in my notebook at all in Sandusky because whenever I went out to eat anywhere I went with Jeff. I worked a lot on REX stuff while there—not really a drag at all—it's nice to be able to work 3 or 4 hours a day while on vacation—that's kind of ideal. I'm not really someone who is going to sit on a porch and sip a piña colada and clear my mind of all responsibility, unfortunately, as nice as that sounds!

Tuesday 5 July 2016

I'm in Chicago at Corner Bakery, which is one of those chain type places I never go—but I just couldn't stand the thought of going to that foul food court upstairs in Union Station—actually I was on my way there and took the wrong stairs, went outside, sidewalk closed, it's 88 degrees and rush hour (though very quiet and subdued). But still, Chicago is a foul sty. People are not friendly. What's the point of living in a society when people are not friendly? Anyway, I avoid these places because they are sterile, have no personality—but I guess they serve a purpose. I wish the Marquette Inn was still open—the place I used to go in Chicago layover—but it is not. Anyway, maybe I'll start coming to places like this when I have a train layover like this, why not—can always get a salad—which is at least healthy—and good—and it's so much nicer to sit here than at the fucking food court, and it like $10—not bad—I wouldn't have to carry so much food with me then—though I am not really today carrying that much. The only bad part really is the music they're playing, which sucks. The music playing in the Great Hall—Amtrak is now actually using the Great Hall for waiting and boarding trains, which is nice—but sucko music! Why is there so much bad music? I guess because there are a lot of people who like it. Whenever I hear a bunch of crap music, it makes me mad, and also want to play music. But how to go about it? It's just as hard as getting writing published... But I do kind of want to do something that I might be embarrassed about—and then refuse to be embarrassed. I know my songs are good—the good ones—and there are a few—though I never write any now. But I could—maybe? But where to play—that's a problem. There has to be a place to play where I would choose to spend time in on purpose. Does such a place even exist? I always think of the King Avenue Coffee House in Columbus, when I saw Beat Happening there—1987? There must be some places to play that aren't totally heinous, I'm not alone on this, am I?

Thursday 30 June 2016 – Maxfield's Pancake House

This is the date every* year I write a poem “June 30, June 30” because of the Richard Brautigan poem (and book) by that name. Maybe I will this year—still keeping with the poem blog—called Poultry—or whatever—I like it—some good stuff there in my opinion—whether anyone sees it or not. Maybe I should start using the fucking social media like a normal person! (Maybe I should actually see what Brautigan's poem refers to someday!)

June 30 June 30

Since last time

everything has doubled,

and in some cases doubled

again. Though not

everything. I know that's

not what you want to

hear.

—Randy Russell 30 June 2016

I'm at Maxfield's Pancake House. 10am on a Thursday. I just wrote a poem. Rode here on my bike, early. I'm debating going to Starbucks for an espresso, or maybe, if I need to, coffee shop on my way by the mall.

*not exactly every

Friday 24 June 2016

I'm at Benji's this morning (late) (11am) breakfast—I guess eating out a lot lately (I went to the Original Pancake House with Brent, yesterday) but what the hell, it's summer now, and a really nice day today, and I wanted to ride my bike and this seemed like a good, not that far, biking spot (plus, I went through Estabrook Park, which is really nice this morning) and I haven't been to Benji's since I was cat-sitting for Anne Leplae—and I like Benji's!

Though I don't feel like lingering this morning—it's already almost noon! Plus, Great Britain voted to leave the EU, and I'm voting to leave here, now, plus it's nice out...

Wednesday 22 June 2016

I am at the Bollywood Grill on the first Wednesday of official summer and it's been hot lately, also a lot of REX work lately—too much, really, and I don't know how to reconcile that, but I'm trying to just not worry about it and let things work out by themselves, because they usually do.

Sometimes, however, I must act impulsively, and now, such as today for lunch, after I finished four hours of computer work this morning (well, five, because I started doing my stuff, then REX stuff) and felt not like making lunch, so I came directly to my favorite Indian close by lunch place—which has seemed a little spotty on the consistency lately—but maybe that's just because the more I learn how good some things can—and should—be, the more I'm prone to some level of disappointment. But it's still really good.

I made a BIG list of stuff I want to do this afternoon—so I guess I'll try to do these things (and continue on into evening and early next morning, I guess). It includes: walk, pushups, buy coffee somewhere, read, work on my website, clean my apartment, organize notebooks, get 0TV info together for a documentary (Zero TV!) Barry and Andrew are working on!

Friday 17 June 2016

I'm at the Plaza Cafe on 17 June 2016—past halfway thru June I guess—nearing official 1st day of summer—hasn't exactly felt like summer—today it does. I'm still cat-sitting for Roy (since last Saturday) and coming by my place every day briefly—taking things from place to place (mostly some laundry) but only a few minutes—and mostly being at Roy's house, mostly at the kitchen table where I have my computer, and am working on stuff. John had put the TV in the closet, was away—so I figured no TV, that's okay, in fact better (of course, I watch Netflix on my computer)—but anyway, no TV is a huge improvement (though I did miss two NBA finals games—which might have been okay since the Cavs won them—but still, anyway). Anyway, instead of TV I've been listening to records, which is great—and writing some record articles for DJ Farraginous blog—which makes me feel a lot better than watching crap on TV. Also, working on my huge Mexican restaurant list, for my website. And of course, REX work.

Sunday 5 June 2016 – Sunday Project

I'm at the Pfister for breakfast on a Sunday—for my Sunday Project! Not going to take much time today—sitting by the front like last time I came here. Which I don't mind since I like seeing people come and go—but it's the shit table, for sure. I think this place is a little snobby. It's not outrageously expensive, but it's not cheap—and it's inconsistent. I mean—there's gluten-free toast—but one piece. What is that shit? I might have to switch Sunday Project to another location—unless I can just get into complaining. They have a flat screen TV on the wall that's put into an old, gold frame—which is kind of brilliant, and funny, but still kind of sad because it's a flat screen TV! One thing about this place, you don't have to worry about being kind of disheveled (which I always am) just because it's a fancy hotel—this is the butthole of the hotel, I guess—people here—some of them—look like they rolled right out of a pool of vomit. There was an old guy wearing flipflops and shorts that looked more like boxer shorts than shorts—they probably were! Anyway, come on—one piece of toast, with no butter. Fuck that! (Though at least they don't charge extra.)

Friday 3 June 2016

I'm at Maxfield's Pancake House in Friday, the first Friday in June—it's 70 degrees, very nice out, no rain today—looks like rain tomorrow, so I thought today's the day for a bike ride. The bike ride is the thing. Eating here is secondary—though it is nice being able to eat pancakes.

Now that it's June I think maybe I should get up earlier—it's nice to go out early—but I need to be up for awhile, coffee, bathroom, etc., before I go out—so earlier the better! But it's hard to get to bed early enough—and I blame the REX stuff—the late engaging with the characters. Maybe I should just force myself to go to bed at a certain time—stop the work—it's not like I can't get in enough hours. Lately I've been watching Mad Men—kind of last thing of the day, so I should start that an hour before I go to bed—I've been sleeping six hours lately—which I think is better for me than five or four, like I used to—is 5am early enough? Anyway, I should watch TV and sew at 9pm—try that. Why not. Oh, my, this is boring! I'm glad no one is ever going to probably read this damn thing! Okay, this is like ten times longer than it's ever took for my food to come, here—and I even got here before the lunch rush (which starts at 11:30 in Milwaukee). Anyway, that's good because this is my second breakfast. What I want to do today and this weekend is work on some stuff for my website—my notebook journal stuff—retyping old journals, organizing old notebooks (I just got everything out to re-organize and clean) (so maybe I can find all my old notebooks)—which can't possibly excite anyone but me—but I don't care—it's interesting to me.

Also—I want to work on lists—all kinds—which is really geeky—but fun—it's a fun thing for me—ranking things, listing—I'm making a list of all the Mexican restaurants in Milwaukee—also, I have to finish my Coen Brothers article/list—and re-do my 100 movies. (Idea I just had—put intro to 100 movies list that explains how it was made in 2012—so no movies after 2012—and I'll make a new one some day.) (This solves Coen dilemma—only Big Lebowski is on 100 movies list.) And then got to start drawing, drawing new zine—and also do collages again.

Monday 30 May 2016 – Memorial Day

I'm at Chuck's Place in Thiensville—for breakfast on Memorial Day Monday—I'm having ½ order of “hoffel poffel” omelette (w/ “f” instead of “p”—what's that mean? I'll have to look this up). It's not remotely an omelette—a “scramble” would be accurate. Anyway, it's good. Not remotely healthy. I'm sitting at the counter, which I told myself I'd do next time, last time (or first time) I came here. I remembered! (This is third time here—second time I came with Brent.) It's a beautiful sunny spring/summer morning—in the 60s, now 70s—it's now 10:10 AM. I left around 8:30—on my bike. My old bike had a flat—which is weird, sitting in the bike room—though, it happens—no need to be paranoid—I probably punctured it last time I was riding it and got a slow leak—the day I bought my new computer. Anyway, this new bike trail is amazing. Way shorter than before—and all trail—not one street at all—a couple of blocks here in Thiensville is all I had to go on streets. I'm not going to hang around—I want to be riding more...

Friday 27 May 2016

Ma Fischer's... Lunch. There are sure a lot of crazy people in the world, and in this country. And in Milwaukee, and in Ma Fischer's at any given time! I'm on my way to a movie at the Oriental (The Lobster) and just came from getting my hair cut from this dude on Brady Street (Aaron is his name, I think) who has no name for his shop I can see, or maybe no sign—though I'll have to look more closely sometime. Anyway, it's $12 for a haircut—it must be the cheapest barber in town. I love Jose's Barber Shop in Bay View—but it's in Bay View—and $23 (last time I went there) and the difference between $12 and $23 is a lot ($11—to be precise)—plus, this dude is pretty funny.

So anyway, I shaved this morning (quite an undertaking, as I had a beard—it's a lot of work). Got a new computer this week and set it up yesterday. It went smoothly. And I'm working on my website—it's finally getting there...

Monday 23 May 2016

I'm at Maxfield's for breakfast—it's a really nice morning—70 degrees—sunny—no wind—not too humid. It was a nice bike ride here—fairly early. It took me about an hour. It's now 10:50 AM. I saw an estate sale over on Seneca—so I'm going over there—and maybe to Bayshore Mall Apple store—we'll see how I feel after the estate sale! Maybe I'll buy something good. Anyway, I got a couple of story/novel ideas while riding. [What follows are some notes for my ongoing new novel, K2, which I don't want to reproduce here.]

Saturday 21 May 2016

I'm at Ma Fischer's, May 21, Jeff's birthday—it's nice out, finally—it was kind of cold the whole time I was cat-sitting—I mean, it was nice, because for me 50s is nice—for me, 30s is nice. But it's like 70, not windy, nice for walking—the blossoms are out and it smells good. Soon it will be just HOT—but I haven't even put on shorts yet this spring...

I haven't been to Ma Fischer's in a while—it's exactly the same. That's a good thing about it. It's dead in here—I guess maybe 9AM is early for a Saturday—I bet it's twice as full by the time I leave. There is a handwritten sign on the wall that says, “Shakes $5.50.” It's funny, because I saw the day a waitress put that sign up—it's a handwritten sign—and the owner, at that time, was determining the price—and I thought, no shakes on the menu? I keep forgetting to check the menu—it's kind of a mystery.

I was watching this documentary on Nina Simone (What Happened, Miss Simone?) last night—and she said something like, to her, freedom would be being free of fear—and I thought, yeah—everyone lives with some fear—it's much worse if it's this real fear of someone trying to kill you, your neighbors, the racist majority society, your husband, or whatever. For me that doesn't have to be an immediate concern—which is something I should be eternally grateful for—but then I replace that fear with another and another. Maybe everyone does this. Solve one problem and replace it with another. So last winter my major fear was health stuff because of having a colonoscopy, so I was all afraid of that, then the dentist—so that stuff got resolved (temporarily) and then the fear of no job, no money, homelessness, set in. If I could solve that (win the lottery) then fear of death and the ?afterlife would take over. It's always going to be something—so why can't I just eliminate it all? Because fear doesn't help!

I got a book from the library about the Japanese art of decluttering (by Marie Kondo) and I'm really trying for a big cleanup now. It's going to take some work—but it will help! And I'm working on my website—it's a little difficult, but possible—and I'm trying to get rid of my TV (via Craigslist). I also just got a new idea for warmer weather—since it takes me awhile to really get going in the morning—maybe every day I'll go out early for a short walk—to the park, whatever. Then later take a longer walk or bike ride. (note: I put a star by this last part, and some arrows, and a yellow highlighted note that says “New Way.”)

Thursday 19 May 2016

I'm at Jalisco's on North Ave., finally trying out the $7.99 lunch buffet—if it was $4.99, okay—or if it was better—or if you were going to eat a real lot. But frankly, it's pretty gross. Well, that's what I get, coming by mid-afternoon—of course the shit has been sitting there. (Idea: Buffets should get cheaper the later it gets!) The good thing is, the guy working is really nice—and there are three booths near me with two women each—so it's actually a really nice atmosphere for being 3:30 on a Thursday—so that's a plus... AND, the guy brought me extra napkins without me asking—and that's a serious extra star—in the Michelin Guide.

Anyway, I'm pretty depressed today. I'm going to a movie at Downer Theater in a bit. Not excited about it. I'm trying to give away my TV on Craigslist—got two replies already—so that's promising.

Wednesday 18 May 2016

I'm at Nana, Asian Fusion restaurant in Shorewood on Oakland, for their lunch special—I'll see how cheaply I can eat here. Brent and I came here for dinner, and it's good and very gluten-free attentive—so I want to see how cheaply I can eat lunch here, and what else it on the menu! Five pieces of sushi and a roll, miso soup, and salad—for $11—that's good (and they don't charge for the green tea!) It's my last day cat-sitting at Anne's place—it's been kind of fun, and a nice vacation—really—though I haven't gotten very much writing done. But I'm just not going to worry about stuff like that anymore! The most important thing to me in life is taking a walk and getting a good feeling from taking a walk—when it happens—and you can't beat that.

My phone went from 67% to nothing in like a minute—I think I need a new phone! I need a new computer. It's all kind of overwhelming. I need to clean my apartment most of all. I'll start getting things in order soon I guess.