Aura Bora – Ginger Meyer Lemon

Ginger is the best flavor for a soft drink, that’s why you have ginger ale, and ginger beer, and ginger mule—which is generally alcoholic—but has become a non-alcoholic sparkling water staple. It had to be tempting to put a mule (animal) as the mascot on this can—but, no, it’s a tiger. Meyer Lemon is a hybrid lemon, I guess—it’s part orange. Kind of not fair. Who was this “Meyer?” Like the other Aura Bora waters I have sampled, the flavor is excellent and intense. The can looks great—there’s a whole tiger infused landscape—it’s incredibly busy, a lot going on—and nice colors, oranges and greens—in the tall can. They don’t seem to have as many flavors on their website as when I first checked, but there are like ten, and that’s… ten more than zero. As insane as the whole world (or at least the USA) is going, we’re lucky to get any flavors other than Drano. I used to be able to find these at World Market, but now they have seemed to ban anything that doesn’t have sugar in it. Okay… due to the incredibly fluid nature of sparkling water flavors (I wrote the above three months ago) I’ll double-check the Aura Bora website at press time to see what’s available. Hell! They’re down to seven! They might have to change the name of the company to “And Then There Were None.” What happened to Banana Bergamot?! Where can I find the weirdos? Anywhere? Did anybody actually ever try Olive Oil Martini? Oh, well, if I can increase my research budget, there’s always eBay…

No. 148 – 5.23.26

Saratoga – Still – Natural Spring Water

“Since 1872” it says on the handsome, blue-as-a-Brioschi (when it was glass) bottle, a tall cobalt container—28 ounces, which maybe had some significance in 1872. That’s a long time ago—does that spring water just keep coming? It’s from—well, it lists springs from three different states! Do they gather all the water and blend it, or what? I’m not going to investigate this because I’m not that interested—just because this water tastes, to me, absolutely neutral—no character at all, unless it’s so subtle you have to be a real connoisseur to get it. I mean, it’s good—there’s nothing better than water that doesn’t taste bad—so I guess you could say it’s delicious! But personally, I’d be into a little more evidence of minerals. One of the “sources” is Sweet Water Springs in Saratoga Springs, NY, where it no doubt gets its name, which is a place famous for, I think, horse racing and a writers’ colony. I’ve always wanted to visit there. It occurs to me, now… what if there was a distilled spirit that was this clean and neutral tasting? You could sip it down, like I’m doing with this water, totally refreshed and with no sense of revulsion or danger—but it was alcohol? But instead of making you sweat in misery, hoop and holler, and act nasty to your loved ones, you’d feel no different whatsoever—aside from being hydrated—but that was called, “being drunk?”

No. 147 – 5.10.26

Bubly – Orange Cream

Another one from this questionable Bubly brand—at least you can find them—and this one’s really good. Orange Cream means, essentially, orange vanilla, and the flavor really does emulate one of those frozen desserts—what where they called? I’ll look that up later. Creamsicle—I believe—though now when I look that up, I only find a cocktail by that name. I guess liquor has taken over the internet! Anyway, they were essentially an orange popsicle with vanilla ice cream inside. Quite an invention. For whatever reason, orange and vanilla go really good together. Unlike vanilla and coffee, which is hideous. The flavor here isn’t too subtle, so you’re getting a full blast of flavor. If you have to quit drinking sugary bullshit, which you should, anyway, you could really get your fix from this. I don’t mean the chemical sugar fix, but at least the pleasure from flavor, cold, and bubbles. The can is excellent as well, an uneven shade of pale, metallic orange. A little darker here and there, some bubble-looking circles, so it appears a bit mottled. But overall, really pale and light, so you can barely make out the minimal white lettering. It’s either a mistake or a very bold choice—I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.

No. 146 – 5.3.26

Nixie – Blackberry Raspberry

Maximum Berry—and that’s how it tastes—not bad if you’re in a berry mood. At least they spell “raspberry” correctly, and don’t go in for some fancypants name like Racksberry or Blazberry. I shouldn’t even have brought that up. The can is just about the purpliest thing in my possession—metallic purple background, with huge dark purple and red berries. Though… the blackberry kind of looks like a bunch of grapes. Some metallic green leaves, and the excellent white Nixie logo. Again, the odd thing is that “Blackberry” is in call caps, and “Raspberry” is a bit smaller, in cursive. What does it mean?!? Also, it makes you think about these berries—there is a “black raspberry,” but “black blackberry” would be redundant, and “red blackberry” just plain weird—but maybe only because it doesn’t exist. Or does it? I imagine there are tons of berries that I don’t know about—but am I going to take this opportunity to research berries? I am not. Also, I’m still waiting for a blue raspberry sparking water (in which they color it blue, but somehow use a less than heinous means to color it). And for that matter, how about blueberry (not in conjunction with another flavor)? Just blueberry. Where’s that? Also, where’s my mulberry sparkling water!?! If someone ever pulled off an accurate mulberry flavor in a sparkling water, I might just retire this long venture—assuming nothing would ever top it—it would be all downhill from the mulberry!

No. 145 – 4.16.26

Aura Bora – Strawberry Basil

Nothing against strawberry, but it’s boring as a flavor—so I’m not too excited about that portion of the combo, here. Basil, however—very exciting! Have I seen a basil water yet? I can’t remember—maybe in a combination—or maybe not at all. This water is tasty! The basil, here, isn’t in name only—I can taste it—so this ends up being a successful flavor combination, for me. Is this only the second Aura Bora I’ve tried? Maybe—they’re not too easy to find—also, a bit pricy. Worth it, probably, but I’m not getting financed here, it’s all on me. I’d buy this again, though, for sure. Like the last one, great can art. It’s an entire landscape, a whole cartoon world depicted on this can—where strawberries are gigantic and sit around like lonely rock formations—except that some of these are alive (well, based on that they have eyes)—maybe all of them are! There are also basil leaves growing here and there—none have eyes, I don’t think—but then there’s just a random eye… in the ground, so who knows. The featured mascot cartoon creature is an orange spiny-backed guy with a big nose—should I take a guess? I give up! I’ll look at their entertaining website. I think there are less flavors, oh no, than when I last looked! (Is the holy grail—“Olive Oil Martini” gone? Can if I find it from a private collector?) Still, a lot of good ones to look for. Anyway, OF COURSE it’s a hedgehog—how did I not guess that? Its name is Spike Lee.

No. 144 – 3.31.26

Bretaña – Sparkling Water

What is Bretaña? It comes in a 12-ounce glass bottle with a silver label, and behind the (rather striking) Bretaña logo, there’s a stylized depiction of a charged water dispenser—the kind that takes one of those little CO2 cartridges. Does that mean this water is intended to be used when the other way is unavailable? Seems crazy, I don’t know. Anyway, the other clue is the little “recipe” on the label. It says: “3 Ice Cubes + 3 Cherries + Add Few Drops of Cherry Syrup + Bretaña.” That’s all! It doesn’t say what that is—some kind of a cocktail? What’s it called? It doesn’t say, but there is a crazy drawing of the, I’m assuming, resulting drink—it’s an insane picture—some kind of a ghost drink with otherworldly floating cherries! Totally nuts. I’m confused, but wait—did I look this up? Okay, I did find one thing, but it was a foreign language website that included this one passage, I’m guessing translated into English. I’ll just include the whole thing here: “Bretaña is a soda that people use to mix with juice, spirits or cocktails. After an investigation it was found that in all possible mixtures made ​​with this drink had two flavors that were favorites of the people, cherry and lemon. For a long time the concept has been branded "accompanies your moments" and the idea was under this concept breathe new visual, showing the more modern of the two flavors blend.” Which, yeah, leaves my just as confused as before, if not more so. Also, on the label it says, in bold, multi-font and color lettering: “Enjoy your best moments with Bretaña”—no exclamation point, but it’s implied. Well, my best moment with this water—because it’s a glass bottle with a non-screw-off cap—was having to use the ancient bottle opener that’s permanently attached to the wall of my kitchen—a sublime but all too seldom pleasure!

No. 143 – 3.17.26

Nixie – Grapefruit Tangerine

I try to buy Nixie water whenever I can find it—the flavor is always top-rate, and this one is no exception. Tangerine and Grapefruit. Subtle flavors, but definitely there, and a nice blend. Also, the cans look great—if I was “entertaining,” I’d try to always have some of this on hand to impress whoever was over. Metallic orange and green, nice depiction of sliced grapefruit and tangerines and citrus leaves and flowers. White lettering, including the insane Nixie logo—that looks like it was done by hand. One odd thing: “Grapefruit” is in all-caps block text, while “Tangerine,” under it, is in slightly smaller text, lower case, and italics! What does it mean? What does it mean?!?!?

No. 142 – 3.3.26

La Croix – la Cola AKA NiCola

I found this mysterious brew last year, sometime—it took me forever to find it—finally got some at Cermak—but then the next time I looked, no. I waited awhile to write about it because I thought that after some months flipped over there would be more information online—but unfortunately there are more questions than answers. The only thing definite, as far as I can tell, is that it has been discontinued. And the question some people ask is, if something isn’t made available, and then it’s discontinued due to low sales, how does that make sense? Another mystery is, what exactly, is the name? It says “la Cola” on the can, but it also says “NiCola”—could they not decide on the name, or what? And both with the ® next to the names, meaning, unless I’m wrong, they spent some $$$ to make sure no one else could use the names. I know, because I tried to make “Randy Russell” a registered trademark, and it was virtually impossible. Someone told me I could only do it if my name was “Randy $ Russell!” Well, then, okay, what’s this rare, tall, skinny can rarity taste like? First of all, I like it. I’m strangely drawn into its clutches. It’s not exactly like coca, but a little bit like cola. All cola is a little different, but all tastes enough like cola that you don’t doubt it. As cola, I mean. If I had to describe it without the word “cola” I’d say, a little vanilla, a little ginger, and a hint of citrus. (Vanilla being warm, ginger spicy, and so forth.) Which gets me to thinking—that carefully guarded secret Coca-Cola recipe? What if it just turned out to be vanilla? Which you associate with a light color—but cola has the brown coloring—so you have a contradiction between the taste and the visual—which is its magic. That’s why they discontinued “Crystal Pepsi” right? And Clear Coke? —it freaked people out. And so would this, if it got “out there”—which apparently is not gonna happen. Maybe it was seen as a threat to the fabric of the soft-drink empire, without which our entire economy would collapse, and we’d plunge back into the dark ages of cords on telephones!

No. 141 – 2.21.26

Waterloo – Guava Berry

I was less than excited about this one, I guess—I bought one can and it sat in my refrigerator for three months. No wonder I don’t have room for food! The can art didn’t help—a very small, pale, photo-collage of a sliced guava, sliced strawberry, and two raspberries. You know how when you slice a strawberry, it doesn’t look as good as a whole strawberry? Yeah. Also, I can’t remember if I’ve had guava water before—but I don’t remember being thrilled about it. I like guava paste, a lot, in spite of the off-putting name—but it’s not my favorite flavor. Well… until now, because… this water is delicious! I’m convinced I can taste guava and berry (though I don’t claim to be able to differentiate between the berries) and it’s a good balance. Also, very fruity. If you’re in the mood for a real subtle, flavor-barely-there water—maybe no. But if you want a delicious fruity one, this is good. Like I said before, Waterloo must have some real flavor artists working there—I just wish they’d bring back that All-Day-Rose!

No. 140 – 2.14.26

365 Whole Foods Market – Raspberry Dragon Fruit

It’s fruity, no doubt, but DRAGON fruity? I like it, it’s good—partly because it’s so subtle, and often, subtle = refreshing. It’s not overly raspberry-y, but at least they spelled it correctly. I can’t help feeling a little like you should take a sip and then scream: “DRAGON FRUIT!” —as your head is ripped off by the distinctive Dragon Fruit flavor. Though I don’t know quite what that is. The internet says, more like pear than anything, but not real pronounced. It’s a whacked-out name. The Dragon part, I guess, comes more from its appearance—it looks cool, like you could hang it on your Christmas tree. One funny bit—since another name for Dragon Fruit is “Strawberry Pear,” I ’spose they could have called this Raspberry Strawberry Pear—which would be weird. Or they could make another water flavor called Strawberry Pear Dragon Fruit—which would be funny, and redundant—but it sure as hell better taste like DRAGON FRUIT!!! Or, maybe not, since maybe it does—not known for its flavor, really. The can art, anyway, is really good—stylized cartoon drawings of red raspberries and cut-away slices of Dragon Fruit—top rate!

No. 139 – 2.4.26

Kroger Seltzer – Strawberry Lemonade

First of all, I’ll mention the can and get that bummer out of the way. Their logo, which I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, says: SELT/ZER/Water, in a blue circle surrounded by a blue dotted line, as if you’re supposed to cut along the line and keep little metal “proof-of -purchase” discs—save enough and win a trip to the Dumb Museum. I’ll say it again: With a minimum of effort, they really could come up with a better logo! Put someone’s 10-year-old kid on it! This can design says, “We do not give a fuck.” Like when they stopped providing shopping baskets at the store. Behind that, there’s some amorphous blobs of pink and yellow—except it’s actually two similar shades of garbage/vomit pink (see Bubly Bellini Bliss review). And not yellow at all, but gold. These colors do nothing to suggest strawberries or lemons—but I kind of like the gold—it’s an odd, evocative shade. The flavor of this one is surprisingly good—I suppose my expectations were low—maybe that’s the shitty-looking-can strategy. Anyway, pretty tasty. They kind of tanged it up, it’s not real subtle. I just read somewhere, fiction, kids snacking on cookies and lemonade—did we used to do that? No! It’s cookies and milk! If you’re drinking lemonade, you want to pair that with, what? Vodka, I guess. That’s called Texas Lemonade, which makes very little sense. But more sense than powdered “instant” lemonade. If life gives you lemons, and you can’t make lemonade—just remember, that doesn’t mean literally—it means make the best of things, and that’s most often easier said than done—so maybe keep your dumb sayings to yourself.

No. 138 – 1.29.26

La Croix – Strawberry Peach

This is one of La Croix’s newer ones, I think—I can’t keep up. Some new waters are impossible to find, like you have to join a secret club or something. I tried this one last summer—and once again, I’m behind in posting these water reviews—so this doesn’t always make sense, seasonally. It’s a summer offering. Can you think of a more “summer” flavor combination than strawberry and peach? Those are the summery-est of all summer fruits—both being highly seasonal. Sure, you can get them all year, but they can be pretty dismal. But when you get good strawberry in season, or a good peach, like off a tree—there’s nothing better. I think they did a good job with the flavors, here, too—I can taste both the strawberry and the peach—a good balance. They went all out with the can, too—metallic pink with bouncing ripe strawberries and a couple of little pink flowers and some slashes of green and red and overlapping orange and red hearts and then, right in the middle, a peach cut in half, and in the middle, instead of a pit, there’s a strawberry! Does anyone ever do that—I mean, as a fresh fruit presentation? I’ve never seen it, but I might remember that the next time I make summer fruit salad.

No. 137 – 1.18.26

Good & Gather – Caffeinated Cherry Cola Sparkling Water

Another caffeinated water, but this one, the caffeine comes from “Green Coffee Extract”—whatever that is! Well, it also says: “Caffeine from green coffee beans.” So there you have it. A lot of info on this can! It also says that there’s 35mg caffeine per can. Is that a lot or a little? I’ll have to do some research. How much caffeine is in a cup of coffee? The internet tells me 95mg. For what’s that worth—since, with coffee, strength and size is all over the place! How does it taste? I’m not crazy about it—since it’s cherry—and even though I’ve come around to cherry, over the years, as I’ve said, I still don’t like it. AND IT’S EVERYWHERE! Maybe this would be a good one to make a cocktail with—like my famous “Black Cow” cocktail (an ounce of cold espresso with cherry flavored water poured over the top of it so it foams up and looks like Guinness). Of course, since this already has coffee—might that be overkill? Or overstimulation? I don’t get the “Cola” in the name so much—unless it’s “Cherry Cola” (the great undrinkable). Still, it’s not half bad, and I really like the can—a collage of metallic dark brown, red, and green—some red cherry shapes, and their passable logo—oddball can for an oddball water!

No. 136 – 1.14.26

Nixie – Pomegranate Green Tea

With 15mg caffeine! Does pomegranate contain caffeine? No. Is 15mg a lot? Or, like, hardly worth mentioning? Another Nixie—I still would like to try them all! It’s too floral—is that really what pomegranates taste like, or is this a “flavor,” and pomegranates are for show? Hard to say, unless I buy some pomegranates and hold taste tests. Later. Trying it again—it’s OK—I don’t mind it, I could drink this. The can is good, but strange—nice colors and a metallic pink-orange and dark green, and the excellent “Nixie” logo. But the pomegranate drawings are very weird. Pomegranates that are opened up, with the little red pods, but it looks more like a random pomegranate photo than a stylized drawling—or maybe they designed the can with AI! You notice the lack of an aesthetic sense—or any good sense at all! If I didn’t know better, I’d think the pictures were of some kind of a baked good. And if not that, maybe some kind of a dissected animal! So, yeah, I’m thinking, this very much looks like it was designed with AI—you’re seeing this more and more—a look that no human could possibly think looks good AT ALL. Soon, our entire aesthetic is going to be irrevocably warped—but I’m not worried about that—after all, look at the current state of automobiles, architecture, and ART. We are already pretty much screwed along those lines. One more AI designed sparkling water can isn’t going to sink the ship—the ship is already sinking.

No. 135 – 1.7.26

Bubly – Bellini Bliss

This is, I believe, the second Bellini flavored water I’ve sampled—and I think I liked the other one better—I’ll have to check my notes. I had to look up the Bellini Cocktail again to see what it is. Okay—Prosecco and peach (for those of you who’ve just been quaffin’ ’em down without knowin’ what’s in ’em). This version, I’m sad to report, tastes like vomit. Vomit coming up—which is, hopefully, the only way you’re tasting vomit! Coming up. For all I know, the cocktail might recall vomit as well—maybe it’s something people get nostalgic for. Vomiting, I mean—after all, people are nostalgic for The Nineties. I want to be excited about all the fake cocktail waters… but this one… no. The can says: “peach, pineapple, mango flavors”—yeah, those, together—sounds vomity to me. It’s funny, the can has a bit of a pinkish vomit hue, as well. Or else, the color of garbage, in some old comic books I remember (once in a while, someone had to depict garbage, and they went with this odd pink color). I do really like the name, though—it just has some poetry to it—like, Bobby Petrino and Bo Pelini and Bubba Zanetti and Cundalini and a girl I met in Fayetteville named Bubly Bellini Bliss.

No. 134 – 12.30.25

Trader Joe’s – Pineapple

Exactly what you’d expect—or, I expected—but at least it was on sale! Water has gotten more expensive, for no good reason, just because everything else has, and I guess it wants to keep up with the Joneses. So it’s always nice to get some on sale. I’m not a big fan of Trader Joe’s can design (you can do better, guys!) and I’ve never been a fan of pineapple water. I don’t hate it. It just doesn’t do anything for me. I suppose I’d like it better if you threw a little rum in it. Do I make that same Holden Caulfield joke every time I review coconut or pineapple water? I probably do, and I’m probably going to continue to do so!

No. 133 – 12.24.25

Peñafiel – Mineral Water

Bought this at Cermak, relatively cheap, under $2. It’s in a plastic bottle with a screw-top. I’ve never seen this brand before—it’s from Mexico. According to the internet, it’s a really old one, but they have been since been acquired by this or that conglomeration. (I feel like making a comic, fake company, combining the names of two or three incongruous organizations or companies—like Keurig Dr. Pepper, for example—but those things exist in reality—like Red Bull Pop-Tarts—so are pretty much impervious to satire, on that level!) Anyway, I was examining the bottle and… the top popped off, with little help from me—like maybe someone had opened it in the store. I hate that, not that I’m so paranoid about it. But you’re used to needing an athletic specialist to open most things. So, I looked up if there were any recalls on this water and saw there was a recall on some, a few years back—for excessive arsenic levels. But that was like 6 years ago—plus, arsenic isn’t bad for you, right? Also, if you look up any product, there has been a recall at some time or another, recorded on the weird wild web, as part of history—but no one even knew about it at the time, because… how would they know? Anyway, it’s a tasty sparkling mineral water, just minerally enough—not crazy level, like some. I see they also make some flavored waters—didn’t see those, but I might, some day—the usuals, but also, Apple, which I really want to look for—just because of the lack of apple flavored water, generally.

No. 132 – 12.18.25

Maison Perrier – Ultimate

There was a time when if you didn’t want to drink sugary soft drinks, your choice was, then: Perrier or tap-water. There were more, of course—but that’s not far from it. Perrier had a kind of rich person stigma, and I guess it was relatively pricey. Like everything else, it’s been declining over the years—at some point bought by Nestlé—not necessarily a bad thing, but still. Now, of course, it’s just siphoned from Parisian toilets—and sometimes they forget to flush—those French! I’m just kidding—I think it still comes from the same spring—those springs last forever! But now—didn’t see this happen—but it seems like they’ve gone totally nuts and are going full-on into the fancy pants water and weird flavor revolution. They’re now “Maison Perrier”—is that rebranding or just moving up the alphabet? I tried to make sense of what’s on their website, but it almost gave me a seizure, so I figure I’ll just wait and see what shows up in the store. This one is called “Ultimate”—and why not. It’s sparkling water—not super minerally, but some, and I have to say, very delicious! It’s in one of those tall skinny cans – but not quite 12 oz – it’s 330ml – which is 11.15 oz. Kind of a flat green and silver can, a real classy look. It’s got an “adult” look to it, so say, this might be your thing if you’re at an art opening and don’t want to look like Pablo McFruity with your La Croix Pomegranate Razz-Berry Jizz. Not something that ever bothers, me, personally—I’m like 86 years old—but for the young art-stars in progress, image is everything.

No. 131 – 12.3.25

Founders – Hoppy Mood

At first I thought, “Not enough hops,” too subtle. But it’s nice that a hop water (or any sparkling water) has the boldness to be light and subtle, breezy and barely there—that’s one of the things I like about this! And then my next taste, and next can, I could taste it more—there’s plenty of hops—and it’s a particularly nice hop flavor balance, too. This is from Founders Brewing, in Grand Rapids, just across the pond from Milwaukee. No wait, the Atlantic Ocean is “the pond”—so what’s Lake Michigan, that emphasizes how relatively small it is, you know, compared to the Pacific? Maybe it’s just Lake Michigan. Of course, if we go forward with the plans to rename it Lake Wisconsin, that might make it hard to obtain this Hoppy Mood, since it’ll all be a warzone, and that’d be too bad, because it’s good. In a pretty, light blue can, and on the other side from the name there’s an odd drawing—it looks like a woman (though, could be a man) with either a hop hat, or else it’s a personified hop cluster, wearing clothes, and dancing, listening to music through earphones and a phone. Oddly, the person doesn’t have hands, but instead paddles—where hands should be. Is that just because hands are hard to draw? Or are future people going to have paddles? No need for fingers, since we have AI, I guess.

No. 130 – 11.12.25

HOP WTR – Ruby Red Grapefruit

If I went to a party, or say, an art opening, and there was pretty much every sparkling water and hop water there to choose from, I very well might grab one of these HOP WTR brand cans—all caps, I guess—they have several flavors on their website. This is the first I’ve tried, and it’s excellent. It’s not red—the grapefruit is flavor, not juice—though it is subtly tan or yellow, from the hops—and the flavor is an excellent balance. It’s very delicious. Also, there’s drugs. No, it’s not one of those weed drinks sweeping the nation, but it does contain “adaptogens and nootropics”—which is something I’m going to have to look up, but later. Here’s the ingredients, besides the carbonated water and ascorbic acid—natural flavors (that’d be the grapefruit), Citra, Amarillo, Mosaic, and Azacca Hops, Ashwagandha (“To destress & unwind”), and L-Theanine (“For mood & cognitive performance”). I’m quoting what the can says about those last two—I know people have varying opinions about both—but I seem to be in agreement, because I have both in pill form and believe they help me. And I’m of the opinion the hops also have some mildly mood-altering properties—all of which make this one pretty much a home run. I’ll have to see if I can find it again—as well as their other flavors—they’ve got an intense website you can check out. As far as the price goes—maybe not cheap, I’m not sure—honestly, I haven’t paid much attention to sparkling water and hop water prices, since I’m always looking to buy something new to try, and it’s all for the article, and science. Price is relative—it’s more expensive than tap water, but it’s decidedly cheaper than anything with alcohol, and those fancy new weed drinks—so there you go.

No. 129 – 11.3.25