Vytautas – Minerals

This Vytautas mineral water is something. I bought a 500 ml bottle awhile back, finally tried it, and it almost scared me, it’s so extreme. It’s the most mineral-ly mineral water I’ve had. It’s funny, they just say “Minerals” under the Vytautas (well, small print: Carbonated Natural Mineral Water)—but who knows, when it’s not bottled for the English-speaking market. There’s also a little circle that says: “High Mineralization” and “7309 mg/L”—so I shouldn’t have been so surprised—but initially I thought I was being poisoned! I’m always saying I want MORE minerals in my mineral water—well here it is. But… too much to be pleasant! That’s because it reminds me too much of that stuff you take before a colonoscopy. But really—not that bad (that stuff is chemically)—and you could probably, easily develop a taste for this—and it’s probably got health benefits. It’s from Lithuania! Which is where, again? The Baltic Region of Europe—next to the Baltic Sea. North of Poland. No doubt cold winters. I wonder if it’s a good place to live. It probably is. Like anywhere else, the answer to that question is: “If you’ve got money.” You could spend the rest of your life just learning about Lithuania. This water is a good starting place. Maybe I should seek out the nearest Lithuanian restaurant. Will they have a gluten-free menu? Are the people nice? So many questions… Will this water grow on me? Will I buy it again?

No. 107 – 6.22.25

Third Space Brewing – Citra Lemon Hop Water

This one is from Milwaukee—so that’s exciting. It’s from Third Space Brewing, which I can walk to—though I’m not going to, unsolicited—since I don’t drink beer, and can’t even try it—so I’m unable to speak for their beer. But I’m all for small breweries putting out some kind of hop water—my new (well, no longer new) favorite drink. It’s got a nice can, flat yellow and white label on a silver can—good logo in black—not overdoing anything. Certainly thirst-quenching—a particularly refreshing one, does it have lemon flavor along with the hops? I think Citra hops are citrussy—so go with citrus, anyway. I’m not sure I wouldn’t prefer more hops and less lemon—if I want lemonade I’ll go to a lemonade stand—if the pandemic didn’t kill the lemonade stand business for all time. But I don’t know—I’m sure they’re trying to maximize their reach, for the kids—but still, too bland, not hoppy enough. I’ll try their other variety that’s in the grocery store—I might like that one better. Not cheap—nothing’s cheap—I sure do need that sparkling water grant to come through sooner rather than later.

No. 106 – 6.18.25

Galvanina – Lemon – Naturally Flavored Mineral Water

I think this Italian mineral water also comes in fancy glass bottles, but this one is plastic, which I don’t love, but this would be the ideal water for, like, a summer outing, or picnic. Maybe because it’s from Italy, and subtly lemon flavored that I’m thinking of picnics. Now I’m thinking of all the delicious food that would go well with this water. Also, it’s a warm day, so I’m focused on how refreshing it is. It’s a mineral water with added carbonation—and I can taste the minerals—just right! The slight lemon flavor doesn’t detract from it—and is, in itself, quite refreshing—I doubt all lemon flavor is created equal—and even though I probably don’t have the ability to rate them—I think this is a good one. It’s a 500 ml bottle—labeled only with a clear, thin, plastic band. I’d be happy to buy a liter, even. Unfortunately, I don’t remember where I bought this—or if it was pricy or not—but I’ll keep an eye out for it in the future—also, other flavors?

No. 105 – 6.12.25

La Croix – Peach–Pear

This is a good one! I’m pretty sure I tasted another brand’s Peach and somebody else’s Pear—but not sure if I’ve had a Peach–Pear yet. There are so many! I know I’ve been complaining about flavor combinations, but this one at least makes sense, just because they’re summer orchard fruits. But then… where is the apple? (Just plain Apple, I mean.) Well, I really like this one—like I’ve said before (I’m sure), sometimes peach can be a gross flavor, but it’s not gross here—maybe it’s the pear, or maybe it’s the pair—or maybe it’s the pare. (No… went too far.) Next time I’m at an art opening, I’ll look for this, and if they don’t have it, I’ll storm out. It’s the usual La Croix can, but there’s something about the metallic color of the pink-orange part (peach) that totally reminds me of these toy cars I had when I was little. Not Hot Wheels. The best Hot Wheels were the flat color ones, like the McLarens. But their competitor brand, Johnny Lightning, which were inferior to Hot Wheels, sometimes had better metallic colors, if I’m remembering correctly. Sometimes I’m really nostalgic for those very particular metallic colors!

No. 104 – 6.8.25

Sound – Rose, Lime, Hibiscus Tea

This isn’t quite the simple sparkling water with flavor—but I’m including it because I’m intrigued. A more complete name might be: Unsweetened Organic Sound Sparkling Water with Tea & Botanicals – Rose, Lime, Hibiscus Tea. It’s from New York, NY, of all places. Ingredients, besides sparkling water include: Rose Extract, Hibiscus Extract, Lime Extract, Citric Acid, Cardamom Extract. That’s a lot—but no “sugar”—no “fruit juice”—so it’s an odd one. The color is an almost cloudy dark brown—you could confuse it with beer. It’s totally delicious. I don’t remember what it cost, now, but probably too much for me (anything but tap water is too pricey for me, these days) but I could make this my regular drink. I can’t put my finger on any one of those flavors, which means they blend really well—you don’t get the potential oppressiveness from hibiscus, or oddness of rose, or the overwhelmingness of lime. Good flavor blending! For some reason (well, partly because I eat no processed sugar and very little even that’s sweet) it tastes sweet to me. I guess that’s part of the magic. The can is something else: simple, small font, red “Sound” is sideways on a flat white “label” which covers the entire silver metal can. And then a bold design of undulating stripes (I can’t really even attempt to describe it—check out their dynamic website) of the colors: red, pink, red, light green, and dark green. Whoever came up with that design had some real design magic in their design box. I’m sure it was either stolen from one of the world’s great museums, or not—in which case it should (or should have) won some kind of award for design—assuming they have awards for that shit—like they do for everything else.

No. 103 – 6.5.25

Whole Foods Market – Lime Mint Elderflower Mineral Water

That’s as short as I can make the name. The full name is: “Product of Italy – Whole Foods Market – Sparkling Lime Mint Elderflower Naturally Flavored Mineral Water.”  Whew! I’ve seen this at Whole Foods but haven’t been able to try any because it’s a half-hour walk home, and I usually have too much to carry. But I finally purchased one—it comes in big, 33.8 ounce, glass, screw-top, bottles. Which is cool—just heavy. The glass is tinted slightly green, and the labels look a little European and a little old-fashioned, without overdoing it. I tasted it and immediately approved. I could drink nothing but this, it’s very good. Also, it’s pretty subtle, for you subtle-lovers. I mean, lovers of the subtle. It’s a little bit minerally (which I love) and even less mint and lime (a little of those two goes a long way, and they didn’t mess up the balance). As far as elderflower? I have no idea what that is. On the internet? It’s the flower of the elder tree. Sometimes used medicinally. Its flavor is compared to a lot of things (descriptions not useful to me)—it sounds elusive. It certainly is elusive here—if it’s evident at all, it’s blending with the other flavors. But the bottom line is, this water is delicious, and no particular flavor dominates it.

No. 102 – 6.3.25

La Croix – Cherry Blossom

More cherry! Enough! Well, I risk repeating myself if I start complaining about cherry… again. So, I’ll try to keep an open mind. This one is lighter than some. And a nicer name, what with the “blossom” business. The pink can is excellent, too. Weirdly, I’m finding that I like this a lot more than the usual cherry flavored water. I’m pretty sure there is another flavor added, and I’m guessing it’s vanilla—which is the most common flavor enhancer. And can also be the fast-track to grossness, if used wrong (or the wrong kind of vanilla)… but this is good. Maybe that’s how they’re interpreting the “blossom” part of Cherry Blossom—pretty clever, if so. Time passes slowly in Cherryville. Spring is here. In retrospect, and later tastings, I’m absolutely certain there is an additional flavor to the cherry—and I do think it’s vanilla. This water is surprisingly delicious.

No. 101 – 5.27.25

Polar – Blackberry Mango

Right off, weirdly, this tastes like a good flavor combination—you can actually taste both flavors and they seem to work together. Maybe there is some cocktail or dessert I don’t know about that puts these two fruits together, like blended with vanilla ice cream and called a “martini.” (These days, anything you can mix together is called a martini. Love and Control Martini. Sarcasm and Faith Martini.) Also, makes sense for a duster, or a smoothie. But it does seem odd, since they’re from totally different parts of the world. Well, I don’t know where all blackberries grow—maybe everywhere. As cool as mangos are, they’re still a little weird, a bit of an acquired taste, so a good thing to mix with other fruit. Anyway, the flavors are bold—though the water does strike me as a little perfumy (which I guess is the risk of bold flavors). The can says “Premium” Seltzer—maybe all their cans say Premium now. I know this is a new one. Again, I have to admit, I wrote this over a year ago, so “new” is no longer new! And what in God’s name is a “duster?” That’s why I’m trying to catch up on these reviews! Things move fast in the Sparkling Waterworld. At the bottom of my original review, it also said: “Revised opinion: this one is bullshit.” So, take that any way you’d like. The can is a nice shade of metallic purple and silver two-tone, with a funny sliced mango surrounded by four blackberries. Look at the Polar website—they have lots of crazy flavors, limited editions, etc. I’m taking my advice, while trying to revise this review, and yes, good website, probably totally re-vamped since I wrote that! Looks like new flavors every day! It says they’ve been making seltzer since 1882! Can that even be true? Believe it or else! What did Chester A. Arthur drink in the White House? I’m guessing not “Unicorn Kisses.” Maybe Vanilla—which is one I’m still looking for!

No. 100 – 5.25.25

Kroger Seltzer – Mandarin Orange

Well, the can is a swirling two-tone orange mess, consistent with the style of all flavored sparkling waters, but the ugly, inelegant Kroger logo is front and center—so it doesn’t matter if the rest of the can is lovely—it’s an ugly can. They had the chance to do something weird that would stand out—like, say, not matching the colors with the flavor—or doing an ironic generic version—or something so bold or unexpected I can’t describe it (duh). But seeing how Kroger bought my local grocery store and then ran it into the ground with greed and lack of vision—what do I expect. Well… there is still hope for the future—maybe they’ll fix up the store and make really cool seltzer cans. The Mandarin Orange flavor sparkling water is weak, as well, not much flavor there, but it does exist—you can call it “subtle” if you want. It’s fine.

No. 99 – 5.21.25

La Croix – Berry

Surprising! This one is actually quite tasty—well, they all are. What’s surprising about this one? I guess it’s that I have a bad attitude about a flavor called “Berry” because it’s not specific—I would really prefer the names of the berries in question. Is it mulberry? Elderberry? Why not just call it “Mixed Fruit?” (Another one of my (NOT) favorites.) Or Barry Fruitage? (Well, that IS one of my favorites (people*). I wonder if I search the internet for “berry”—what berry will it give me? Well… internet gives me a lot of ADS—unrelated to berries. The water is good—it tastes fruity—but I need a specific berry to let my imagination get involved! There are some berries that it’s (hopefully) not—including: ivy berries, yew berries, and Virginia Creepers—don’t eat those—poison! What are some of the weirder (but edible) ones it could be? Lingonberry, of course, if we got this water at IKEA. Or boysenberry—but now we’re on the pancake syrup Lazy Susan at IHOP. Or maybe huckleberry, gooseberry, salmonberry, caperberry, dewberry, or my favorite… bearberry! And everyone’s favorite… Saskatoon Berry!

*Barry Fruitage – a fictional character invented by me, not meant to represent any actual person—living, dead, or otherwise sensitive.

No. 98 – 5.15.25

Water Update – May 2025

The water reviews keep coming! I realize this Water page has come off the tracks in recent weeks, with the massive “Flavors Wanted” list (please refer to that list, in the future, on the Listz-O-Mania! page, for updates!) and the varieties with fruit juice and narcotics! (just kidding)—however, it’s time to RE-DEFINE what will be reviewed here. From now on, here, please find NO: energy drinks, added fruit juice, sugar, artificial sweeteners, wheat, THC, alcohol. DO FIND: water, still and sparkling, hop water, in combination, occasionally, with tea, and herbal essences. Because I’m so behind with the reviews, expect to see a lot. Once caught up, it will depend on when I find the new ones—but sparkling water companies keep going overboard with the new varieties. It’s not the worst time in history for people who have to abstain from alcohol, gluten, and sugar! Also, I’m going to start adding numbers to the reviews—ongoing. (I’m not going to go back and number the earlier ones—I’m too lazy!) But please feel free to scroll down through the old reviews—scroll and scroll—there’s nearly a hundred so far!

—Randy Russell 5.13.25

SOSA – The Soda – Water Kefir – Pink Guava

I bought one can of this on closeout at Bob’s! Had to try it—but what does it mean? Internet says it’s a “musical artist”—but my “acronym finder” (“smart” phone) gives me half a dozen acronym choices—which one? The can is a bit compact – 11.16 ounces – it’s from Hungary! It’s a very nice, well-printed can, light blue with three shades of orange sunrise. Looks like they’re trying to evoke the “Sixties” without going full-on Peter Max. “Naturally Crafted SOSA THE SODA Water Kefir Pink Guava Premium Quality.” An address in Gyula, Hungary, but distributed thru a place in Malibu. Also: “California Sunshine in a Tasty Beverage.” And: “Fermented for several days using organic water kefir grains and organic beet sugar. Delicious and refreshing with postbiotic benefits, non-GMO, vegan, gluten free, carbonated non-alcoholic, pasteurized.” A lot to put you at ease! —I’m not generally going to buy, try, or write about anything with sugar, but I was curious! The ingredients are on an added sticker (maybe over the ingredients in Hungarian?) “Water Kefir, Filtered Water, Pink Guava Puree, Beet Sugar, Lime Juice, Natural Flavors, Natural Mushroom Extract…” There’s even more, but I’m getting tired! It’s a pink, slightly carbonated, cloudy beverage, slightly sweet, some sediment, with a guava flavor, also some off-putting favor, not extremely gross or anything, but weird enough to not be totally pleasant. I hope it has some benefits!

Only later I saw either an AI or AA warning about the possibility of some alcohol (it IS fermented) and the potential of slippery slope-ness. Alcoholic Intelligence? Artificials Anonymous? At any rate, I felt myself slip into a state of distraction, initiated an online shopping spree, ordered every book about the hollow earth theory, and rushed a bottle of Myers’s Rum—which unfortunately now comes in a plastic bottle—but Amazon will only deliver liquor in plastic bottles. Still, felt like rock-bottom, barely half a step up from the plastic two-liter jug of Pissedmyself Vodka. Got an Uber just to take me across the street to the Pyramid Supper Club, dancing until dawn, doin’ the Mid-life Crisis, etc. Woke up in a cabin in the North Woods, shared with a dead body! Fortunately, the ground isn’t frozen yet, but how am I gonna explain… Okay, none of that is true. Some people will believe anything for a good story. I sampled the Water Kefir, and my observations? Gas.

5.11.25

Water Wish List

I have been compiling a list of flavors I have not yet seen (sometimes surprisingly, and sometimes, I get it) but I would like to see in the store soon! This is intended as an inspiration and a service to the sparking water industry, from one of their average, yet discerning, customers. I expect it to be taken seriously (for the most part) and I’m sure we’ll see these soon!

I realize some of these flavors (below) exist in combination with other flavors, or in more elaborate versions (such as “Raspberry Açai” and “Spiced Apple”—but I’m looking for the straight versions.

Naturally, some of these are out there and I just haven’t seen them yet. The reader is welcome to email me with information on where to find water I have missed, as well as with suggestions on water they’d like to see, but are so far absent from this list.

After this post goes up, I will include this list on the Listz-O-Mania! page—where it can be easily accessed. I will continue to add to it—plus, indicate when a water on this list is fulfilled!

—5.10.25

List of Sparkling Water Flavors We’d Like to See

A&W Draft Root Beer

Açai

Acorn

Aether

Anise

Apple

Bagaceira

Banana

Bay Rum

Birthday Cake

Blackcurrant

Black Walnut Taffy

Blue Moon

Bourbon

Boysenberry

Breadfruit

Bubblegum

Buttermilk

Butterscotch

Campari

Campfire

Cantaloupe

Cap’n Crunch

Celery

Chamomile

Chocolate

Choward’s Violet

Circus Peanuts

Citron

Coca-Cola

Coffee

Coriander

Cream Soda

Cucumber

Dandelion

Date

Dr. Pepper

Durian

Earl Grey

Elderberry

Ether

Fennel

Fig

Fisherman’s Friend

Garlic

Happy Days Mint

Hires Root Beer

Honey

Honeydew

Huckleberry

Iris

Irish Whiskey

Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7

Jicama

Kumquat

Licorice

Lilac Vegetal

Lobster Bisque

Locker Room

Loganberry

Lychee

Manhattan

Marshmallow

Martini

Mixed Fruit

Mr. PiBB

Mulberry

Muscatel

Muskmelon

Neapolitan

Nectarine

Night Train

Ocarina

Papaya

Pawpaw

Peanut Brittle

Peanut Butter

Peeps

Peppermint

Plantain

Pomelo

Prune

Pumpkin Pie

Pussywillow

Quince

Raisin

Rambutan

Red Velvet Cake

Sarsaparilla

Sassafras

Schnapps

Sloe Gin

Spearmint

Sriracha

Star Fruit

Sweet Potato

TaB

Tangelo

Thunderbird

Tokay

Triple Peach

Turmeric

Tutti Frutti

Ugli Fruit

Vanilla Custard

Vernors Ginger Ale

White Chocolate

Wint-O-Green

X-Factor

Yuzu

Zab’s Datil Pepper Hot Sauce

Culture Pop Soda – Ginger Lemon & Turmeric

It’s party time, so I’m trying another of these Culture Pops—the jury’s still out on whether I can include these (and not go to jail? Not lose my funding?). This one has 12% juice—less than the last one—and it’s also a lot better—it tastes way less like white grape juice—and that’s probably because the ginger is so dominant. Besides ginger and lemon, there’s coriander and turmeric—a good combination. It’s got a very pale fizzy look, nice, and it’s really refreshing. More ginger than anything—this is essentially the best ginger ale I’ve ever had! (Well, perhaps some of the ginger sparkling waters might be the best, since that’s what they are). Most ginger ale is too sweet, and that’s that—that’s all there is to it. This is more like it! The can is also cute—it’s flat, light blue, with black and yellow print, and yellow stylized lemons. I’d be all for this, all the way, except that it’s still a little sweet—from that fuckin’ white grape juice—so it might still not qualify for my purposes. But if I was going to drink a soft drink, soda, pop (a sweetened soft drink, that is), this would be the one!

5.9.25

Culture Pop Soda – Strawberry & Rhubarb

I’m not sure about these “Culture Pop Sodas”—I mean, whether or not I should include them with the water reviews. That’s because it’s not sparking water—it IS soda, and it does contain sugar, but in the form of fruit juice. But I bought it, drank it, so here goes… Anyway, it’s an interesting company, with some flavors that look good. The name (Culture Pop Soda) is weird, because soda and pop are the same thing—different names, regionally. (I grew up in Ohio, saying “pop,” but switched to “soda,” later.) And sometimes people say, “soda pop”—but I’ve never heard “pop soda”—which sounds redundant (and like some cartoon character with a bulbous nose). Anyway, it comes from Sudbury, Massachusetts. It contains live probiotics, so maybe there’s enough of that to be significantly good for you. This one also includes cardamom, so that’s cool. The juice part is 20%, and includes white grape, strawberry, and rhubarb. Frankly, when I taste it, I taste the white grape juice. It does, of course, taste like strawberry, and have the rhubarb tang, at least slightly. But I’m not crazy about the grape juice part—as much as I like grapes, I’m not crazy about grape juice, and particularly white grape juice—that is, I’d never choose to drink it. I’m an adult.

5.8.25

Bubly – limebubly

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Shall I compare thee to a citrus fruit? Sorry, I’m about all out of ways to describe another boring LIME flavored water! New flavors, please! The can is a dark green, but not as dark as a typical lime—and limes aren’t metallic. Is “limebubly” this particular flavor, or do they put the “bubbly” suffix on all their flavors? You know what? I’m not gonna look it up—I’m gonna assume the flavor is called “limebubly” (lowercase)—I mean, since they went to the trouble to TRADEMARK it! Give me a break—Deepockets PepsiCo! Anyway, this would be a good one to drink this time (I wrote this in March) of year, in a bar (or if you’re in Milwaukee, outside, which is an open-air bar) due to St. Patrick’s Day—when you don’t want to get exposed as a teetotaler! They are nuts about it here. I’m sure there are many fine Irish people in Milwaukee, but not nearly as many as who enjoy day-drinking 24/7/52/365 etc. The green shirts (and underdressed midday boozers wearing them) came out on March 2nd —a whole week BEFORE the St. Patrick’s Parade, which is then over a week before actual St. Patrick’s Day. You’d think, by the day itself, everyone would be a little salty on it—but no. Not here. They have stamina—and that’s what it takes.

5.6.25

365 – Grapefruit

I’m not sure if I should call this “365 Whole Foods Market – Grapefruit Sparkling Water”—or, the shorter version. I’ll go with shorter, since we already know “365” is like Whole Foods generic brand—not that that’s a bad thing—as much as groceries cost these days. I swear, La Croix has like doubled in price—and why? Just because everything else has gone up? That’s probably why the majority of products raise their prices—just to keep up with everyone else. It’s sick. Anyway, this one is great in its underwhelming-ness—it’s barely grapefruity at all. And sometimes with sparkling water—that’s what I want. The less flavor, sometimes, it seems, the more refreshing it is. This one is good, it’s fine. The can is really pretty nice—generic looking, but stylish—silver near the top and bottom, almost like the “label” doesn’t quite fit—though it’s not a label, it’s printed, of course. And that part is white with simple black lettering. And then there are some overlapping, colored, geometric shapes meant to represent the grapefruit. Big yellow circles, deep pink half-circles, and green leaf shapes, as well as tiny silver and yellow circles (bubbles). The colors deepen where they overlap. Really, this can should have won some kind of design award. No affiliation with Microsoft—3+6+5=14, which is the age at which I first smoked weed—so, yeah… groovy.

5.1.25

La Croix – Orange

Can you think of a more pedestrian sparkling water than La Croix Orange? I’m picking on La Croix because it’s the Starbucks of water. Ubiquitous, as is the flavor, orange. Everyone (but me) has orange juice in their fridge. Orange. The color. The flavor. The fruit. Boring. Weirdly, orange soda (aka soda pop) isn’t so common—the big one was Orange Crush—but that was back… I don’t know when it came out, but when I was growing up, we always had Orange Crush. I preferred Grape Crush. Which gets me thinking—Coca-Cola is still the most common soft drink (though, I suppose it’s been dethroned by Diet Coke, due to the space aliens among us). But anyway, here’s an amazing idea for a sparkling water I haven’t yet seen (and possibly hasn’t been yet invented)—Cola flavored sparkling water. That would be weird, right? And I think way popular. Or maybe too weird. *(Note: I wrote that on December 13, 2023, when I started this review! That’s how far behind I am in posting these! And, since… I have finally found cola flavored water—just a couple of weeks ago—and still have some in my fridge. Made by, who else, La Croix. It’s called either “NiCola” or “la Cola”—the can is confusing! Well, I’ll get to it eventually.) As far as this La Croix Orange? They nailed the orange flavor, I’ve got to say, so it’s refreshing and delicious! *(Note: I’ve sold out: La Croix sent a gratis 12-pack over here to HQ—accompanied by a scantily dressed young woman—along with a muscular hunk stripper young man in a tux—along with a chicken. Apparently, from the nature of my reviews, they couldn’t guess my sexual preference. At any rate, this business is finally paying off! I kept the chicken, a hen. I need the eggs.

4.23.25

Nixie – Watermelon Mint

Wins best can award! Metallic pink and green w/ flat white print highlighted with silver. Very dark green mint leaves hanging from top, and realistic looking watermelon slices with dark green and white rind, dark red flesh—kind of chaotic until you look at it. The Nixie logo is kind of weird—I guess retro—you don’t see logos like this. The flavor doesn’t knock me out like the can—it’s immediately a bit off-putting because it’s overly floral—kind of cloying. Is either watermelon or mint floral? I guess mint is, for sure. Watermelon is more earthy, right? I might not guess the flavors, blindfolded—certainly not the mint part. But then, that’s an interesting flavor combination—sounds like the makings for a cocktail. Is there any cocktail that uses watermelon as an ingredient? I mean, I know there is… but a common one? How about this: A lot of ice and fresh watermelon chunks in a big glass/ mint crushed on the bottom/ fill half with bourbon/ the other half with THIS WATER. Mint garnish. We could have a party to introduce the cocktail—and name it—something like: Mr. Mint-Jestyk Cocktail. The winner could go on TV, maybe throw out a pitch at a baseball game, and sing the National Anthem at a motocross event. OR… maybe you could just drink the water as is… on the way to your AA meeting.

4.17.25

Kroger Seltzer – Blackberry Citrus

I refuse to call it “seltzer water” because that’s redundant—perhaps their entire product is—the can sure looks like they’ve jumped (awkwardly) on the bandwagon. But just because Kroger owns and operates my absolutely dismal local grocery store, doesn’t mean I should be hard on their sparkling water division—after all, the more the better. This Blackberry Citrus is surprisingly good, I have to say, a good combination. Then, for no good reason, I was inspired to invent a new cocktail (based in some part on the success of “The Black Cow” cocktail—see: the Polar Black Cherry review). So… I happened to make a surplus of espresso yesterday, so I put an extra demitasse in the freezer and ended up with a nice little espresso ice cube. I merely poured a can of this Blackberry Citrus over it in a tall glass, and it foamed up nicely and turned very faint yellow. Then, as the espresso cube slowly melted, it made the drink increasingly yellow-brown and increasingly tasty. A cocktail that changes over the course of your drinking it! And surprisingly delicious, too. Another fine invention, which I named the: “Berry Black Cocktail.” Not NSFW, more or less!

4.8.25