Kroger – Lemon

Three shades of metallic yellow, on the can, is nice. That logo, though—pay a graphic design student 50 bucks to come up with something that makes sense. If you can’t decide on a flavor, why not lemon? And this version of lemon is fine. It’s not fair to pick on Kroger Water Division (but is there such a thing?) just because my local grocery store is owned by Kroger, and it’s a terrible place. Well, it used to be owned by Roundy’s, but now Kroger, and it’s my least favorite grocery store in my experience—yet I keep trying to go there with a smile (it’s across the street, so close, and also, I don’t have a car)—yet, every time, I leave angry. Usually, I buy something on sale and don’t get the sale price. Other times, I’m confused by the advertised price—they do sneaky things so fool you. Why do you want to piss off your customers? Besides that, half of the time what I go there for is not stocked. Also, it’s not a big store, and a good third of the place is taken up with alcohol. But the worst thing of all—at one point, they stopped having shopping baskets whatsoever. They have carts, of course, but no baskets, like every other grocery store. But like I said, all of this should have no bearing on their sparkling water, which is good certainly respectable.

No. 126 – 10.2.25

CForce – Premium Artesian Water

A tall, liter bottle—not sure what “C” stand’s for—Chuck Norris? It’s his wife’s company, and her name is Gina—but you couldn’t call it “GForce”—since that’s a thing—so, I don’t know. Chuck’s picture (small) is at the top of the label. According to a note on the bottle, the water erupts from 23,000-year-old volcanic rock that’s deep underneath Chuck & Gina’s Lone Wolf Ranch! If you want a good laugh, look at the “photo” on the homepage of their website (as of 9.28.25, things change)—it looks like a big, white, tractor barn with apartment complex windows. Whenever I see something that makes no sense (aesthetically) whatsoever, I suspect AI—but who knows. Anyway, the water tastes very good. It’s a still water, apparently naturally alkaline—which, I guess, means, to the layman, delicious. I believe it does come from those deep rocks, but even if it’s from the sink in Chuck’s guest bathroom, it’s tasty—nothing weird, just water—which, if you think about it, is weird—and the most valuable thing on Earth!

No. 125 – 9.28.25

Klarbrunn – Black Cherry

Why does “Black Cherry” sound so much better than “Cherry”—I mean, both for the fruit and the water. It’s a kind of cherry, sure, but I think it sounds more like an actual fruit, while simply “cherry,” you think maraschino cherry, or Cherry Kool-Aid, or Popsicle, or toilet cleaner. It doesn’t always work for food, but the black prefix often does work to enhance: black beans, black olives, black bread, black coffee. In some cases, though, it means something else, say, black banana. Ready to make into banana bread! And sometimes, not good at all—black orange, black celery, black water, black cheese. But in some cases, it may well be intriguing: black vitamins, black rice, black mushrooms, black whiskey. Well, I wish this water was actually black. Someday, they’ll be able to pull that off.

No. 124 – 9.25.25

Bubly – Grapefruit

Not a bad grapefruit flavor at all—it’s subtle, but as I said before, with grapefruit, you want it to be subtle. Am I a broken record here? Grapefruit is everyone’s favorite sparkling water, whether or not it’s got a French name. Talking about French—I was trying to think of a way to describe the otherworldly color of this can, a standout feature, here, and it just occurred to me that it’s a metallic version of French salad dressing. That weird orange you never see in nature, unless you include dumpsters as part of nature. I suppose it’s the uncomfortable mix of several garbage items into a sickly orange mess. Maybe that’s why you never see French dressing anymore—it’s a thing of the past! And what made it French in the first place? The other place I’ve noticed this particular orange (I mean, the not-metallic-version of it) was in the Sad Sack comic books, which were about a hapless sailor who constantly gets into trouble. There were always some misadventures involving gross bucketfuls of slop, or garbage, and I’ll never forget it—they used pretty much this shade of orange to depict it!

No. 123 – 9.17.25

Kroger – Peach

The good thing about this water is that it’s not bad. The bad thing about it is that it’s not good. Well… peach. At least it’s not peach schnapps. But then again, nothing compares to the flavor of a fresh peach, of course—but you’d think they’d at least be able to get near the neighborhood of the ballpark. And then there’s Richards Triple Peach wine—what I once considered to the pinnacle of peach flavored products—yet, it’s long been off the market (I think). It’s funny that they keep trying. With the peach flavor, I mean. Several waters have tried. And why no banana water? There have been banana popsicles. But no peach popsicles. None of it makes any sense whatsoever. Anyway, this one—the flavor is okay, but a little off, it seems to me. But I can drink it. And enjoy it. I’m not crazy about Kroger in general, I guess, since they bought my neighborhood grocery store and have done a poor job running it. That’s as mild as I can put it. I realize that’s not supposed to affect my reviews of water. And, well… these cans—the Kroger logo, and big blue circle that says: SELT / ZER / Water. They should do a contest in someone’s 2nd Grade art class to come up with a better can design—it’d be a slam dunk. I mean… it would take some real doing to come up with a worse can design!

No. 122 – 9.11.25

Simple Truth – Prickly Pear

Trying this, it’s a little weird—kind of tropical? What IS prickly pear—well, cactus, everyone knows that—but what’s special about it? You can read about it all day if you want—or maybe you have a friend who won’t shut up about Prickly Pear. Anyway, it’s not “pear”—and I still want a Pear Water (not pear in combination, just pear—haven’t seen it yet). I bought a whole box of this, cheap. It’s the tall, thin cans—which is neither here nor there, anymore. They didn’t go easy on the “natural flavors” with this one—you smell it as soon as you open the can—as if Mr. Prickly Pear has entered the room, sporting antique pince-nez. I’m still not convinced I love the flavor, but I do like the idea, so what that makes me think of is… what’s the name for the prickly pear cartoon mascot—you know, like, “Freckle Face Strawberry” and “Goofy Grape?” (Those were Funny Face drinks, from the Sixties, in case you don’t remember.) The internet says its real name is “Opuntia”—but try to sell a water with that name! And it’s a cactus! It is fruity, however, fruit o’ the cactus, thus fragrant. Mascot name? How about, Irwin Prickly Pear?! Not going for the obvious.

No. 121 – 9.3.25

Waterloo – Pi-ño Colada

Another in the new(ish—again, this was last summer!) Waterloo non-alcoholic series (I don’t want to say “mocktail” or cocktail—neither accurate). It’s best to just be specific—this is a non-alcoholic sparkling water flavored to emulate a cocktail, specifically the Piña Colada—traditionally a mixture of pineapple, coconut, and rum. One of my favorite high-school-age drinks—I especially enjoyed them at the beach! Another excellent maximalist can—yellow, white, and metallic tan—images of pineapples, coconuts, sliced coconuts with a cocktail umbrella, palm trees, some kind of flower, and cocktail glasses with umbrellas. They’re totally overdoing it, but I like it (along with the cute name). Also, a couple of badges boldly proclaiming: “NON Alcoholic.” I was, however, literally dreading tasting this one. Why? Because I’ve had some dreadful pineapple coconut concoction waters in the recent past (don’t remember which). So, imagine my surprise—totally delicious! It really is. And it really does remind me of a Piña Colada. It’s the closet I’ve come since I quit drinking last century. I’m starting to think Waterloo is king of the complex flavors. All three of these new (again, last summer) ones are fine. My quick estimation of what they did right is: underplayed the rum (I don’t know if I taste any rum, but maybe a hint—yeah, must be) and then the coconut is much more prominent than the pineapple—it’s real coconutty—and it’s a good coconut flavor. But it’s the right proportions of all the flavors—a real triumph in the fake cocktail world.

No. 120 – 8.28.25

Third Space Brewing – Mosaic Lime Hop Water

I bought this one at the pathetic Metro Market—the sorry grocery store across the street—that I’ve adapted to—no thanks to them! (I know, I know, I am thankful to have a grocery store so close! But no shopping baskets—WTF?) This hop water is too expensive (like $8, and there’s not even any weed juice in it! —well, honestly, that’s not bad for a six-pack of hop water, these days). After not much loving that other Third Space (Lemon and Citra Hops, I think it was), I can report that I like this one more, right off the bat, because it’s more hoppy. It’s still pretty citrus-y, like their other one, but it’s better. It’s Mosaic hops, I guess, and lime flavor, though it tastes as much like lime as anything. Not my favorite hop water. Too bad, because it’s a Milwaukee entry, and it’s in the grocery store that I can get to sleepwalking. Nice can and logo, too. They nailed the artwork. Still, too citrus-y for me. But I’d drink it at a party—and not complain—at least not about the beverage.

No. 119 – 8.24.25

Galvanina – Sparkling Mineral Water

I had a similar bottle of water by this company—their Lemon version—it’s from Italy. I believe I like this one a little better, just because it’s a straight-up delicious mineral water and I can definitely taste the mineral flavor, and it’s a good one. The carbonation is added. This came in a very simple, plastic, half-liter bottle. I would prefer if it wasn’t plastic, and I would prefer a liter while we’re at it—I have a feeling that’s exactly what I said about the previous one. It’s interesting, it boasts “Low Mineral Content” on the label—which at first, I thought was odd (for a mineral water—I’m kind of one of those “the more the better” people, even when it’s unwise). But it makes sense that someone with a low-sodium diet would prefer a low-mineral-content water. Also, I’ve recently had a couple super-heavy, intense mineral-content waters that were on the verge of being unpleasant. Or for some, probably not on the verge, but nasty. I could drink those, but I definitely prefer this water—it’s mellow and good.

No. 118 – 8.17.25

Waterloo – Mojito Mocktail

Once again, a water review from thirteen months ago—why has it taken me so long? A lot of water, I guess, and not just under the bridge! That gives me an idea. I’m going to open a sparkling water bar—and sell exclusively flavored sparkling water and mineral water—no alcohol. I’ll hire a world class architect to capture the idea of water… in a building! Is that Frank Gehry still around? He is, at press time, not a young man, but this would be an easy knock-off for him—and I’ll be able to afford it because it’ll be located in some of that empty space under the Hoan Bridge—in fact, the city will pay me to build something there! A bar that sells no alcohol! —and they said it couldn’t be done in Milwaukee! And the name of the place will be: Water Under the Bridge! *(I’m sure someone’s thought of that, somewhere, it’s too easy—and the N/A and water bars have been trendy for a while now—but I did just think of this, so I’m going to claim “the internet is down” so I can’t research it—plus, it’s certain to be a counterintuitive sell, here in Sudsville-Hoptown-Day-Drinking City.) Anyway, here is the complete, unadulterated, year-old text of my original review:

One of three recent Waterloo fake alcohol sparkling waters—I hope these aren’t just seasonal—like for summer—because don’t people like to drink all year ’round? This one is not bad, but I don’t like it nearly as much as the “All Day Rose.” It’s got a slight rum flavor, and I’m not sure about the mint. It’s interesting—I recently tried the La Croix Mojito, which I didn’t like at all. But this one seems like it’s much subtler with the flavor, so maybe that’s the key (at least for me). But with both of them, I most notice the rum, and not mint or lime, at all—maybe that rum flavor is just overpowering. Both of them are a little weird. At the time I quit drinking, many years ago, I’d not yet ever had a real Mojito, so I can’t compare my memory of it with this water. And I’m not going to start drinking again so I can compare them. The other thing I’m not going to do is head-to-head compare the La Croix and this Waterloo—not falling for that nonsense! So it’s gonna have to be subjective memory—though, at least in this case, it’s only been a week apart. Where the Waterloo is a clear winner is the can design. The La Croix Mojito can looks a little like a movie poster for “Assholes in Paradise.” But this Waterloo one is beautiful deep purples and greens, with nice graphics of limes and mint leaves, and best of all, an intricate, tiny, highball glass with sliced limes and mint leaves—pretty inspired. That picture alone could be a slippery-slope alcoholic trigger, so watch it!

No. 117 – 8.12.25

La Croix – Sunshine

Finally hit the jackpot and found a 12-pack of this water—weird that you can’t find it! (Maybe you can, in your town, or at your store—but not here!) The funny thing is, the first can I drank was immediately followed by one of those “ocular” migraines—that slowly growing, throbbing, colorful electric, jagged, semi-circular shape the renders one semi-blind—you can’t read anything on a screen (much less type). Could it be from this water! I hope not! But with subsequent tastings, no problem. Sunshine! You can’t beat the name. But what is the flavor? Certainly not sun, or light ray, or, unless I’m mistaken, any kind of flower. I’m thinking—a bit fruity—maybe bubblegum or “juicyfruit”—that elusive flavor—what other incarnation does that undefined fruit essence take the form of? Cotton candy, perhaps. The can has sunflowers on it! On a background of sky blue—lighter at the bottom and darker toward the top, indicating a blue sky. It’s also the color of Blue Moon ice cream, which is interesting, because the flavor could very well be very close to that flavor—which is kind of fruity, with something extra, possibly subtly nutty and/or vanilla. I can imagine that, in this water—though it’s definitely not overt! This is, like, blue water—without it actually being blue. It’s very light, that’s for sure. Anyway, it could all be in keeping with the theme—Sun and Moon, flowers and fruit, sky—lightness and depth. Pretty clever all around!

No. 116 – 8.7.25

PurAqua – Italian Sparkling Mineral Water

I’m not sure if this is the same “brand” as PurAqua Belle Vie (see previous review)—who make flavored waters—or just similar—anyway, essentially, they are both from Aldi, that grocery store chain that’s not near enough me to ever go to. Anyway, this is their Italian water version, with its carbonation added—“very low sodium” and “low mineral content”—meaning it’s not particularly weird, and very delicious. It does taste unmistakably like mineral water. I probably couldn’t tell it from something like S. Pellegrino. But I’m not putting them head-to-head (not falling for that). I could drink this all day every day all day every day all day every day all day every day… sorry. The only thing I don’t like is that it comes in a plastic bottle. As far as that goes—it’s green in color, tall, 500ml, and has a subtle, lowkey label. But still, it’s a plastic bottle (a hefty one)… and that bums me out to no end.

No. 115 – 8.4.25

Simple Truth Organic – Cucumber Melon

I was excited to find this one—cucumber and melon sounds like an intriguing combination. Very summery. I wish that was my summary. But no… this one is foul. It’s run afoul of the law. The law of flavor. As the man said, what went wrong? Still, there’s a couple of positives. I like the can design a lot—this is that Kroger brand, their fake “health food” line—but they made an attractive can, one of the tall, thin ones—and there’s a nice, fruity, veggie graphic, and it’s all three shades of green—one so light it’s almost white. Also, I was really excited to see that someone attempted cucumber—which, to me, is a great idea for a water. Now if someone would make just cucumber—I hope someone tries that! The problem, here, for me, is the melon part. And that’s because it’s honeydew melon. Being green, I guess that made sense with the cucumber—and the fact that I can identify it is impressive—but it’s overpowering. I can’t taste the cucumber at all. I know some people love honeydew melon. I know… what a name! It sounds like what you’d feast on in Heaven. I think they gave that melon such a sweet name because, as a melon, it’s kind of lame. You know when there’s a fruit salad or a buffet? What’s the worst part, generally (besides those huge, flavorless, genetically modified grapes)? It’s the honeydew melon! No one wants to touch it. But there might be someone who loves it—and if so—this is your water! Don’t let the cucumber scare you away. They should have called this one “honeydew.” Then I’d know to leave it on the shelf. No, I’d probably try it anyway. Just because that name keeps making lofty promises.

No. 114 – 7.31.25

La Croix – Mojito

Publisher’s note: Another year-old sparkling water review that will seem somewhat dated, at this point—but maybe it will still be relevant. It’s hard to keep up with the rapidly changing, vibrant, fluid, world of sparkling water! At any rate, I was excited to see this attempt at Mojito water until I noticed the trademark symbol next to the word Mojito—what’s that all about? Does it mean no one can have the Mojito cocktail on their menu without paying La Croix? That put me off a little, until I tasted it—and realized I didn’t need ™ to put me off—this water is nasty. What I was excited about was someone attempting a flavor with MINT in it—so far, I haven’t seen any mint in any capacity. Maybe it won’t work in a sparkling water—but you’ve got to try. Anyway, I realize the Mojito cocktail goes way back, but it didn’t become a trendy cocktail until after I quit drinking, so I missed out. (To this day, I like to annoy the hipsters by pronouncing it MO-jih-toe.) I guess it’s usually made with rum, sugar, lime, and mint—sounds like a good idea—and probably sounds better after a few. The problem with the water (the can design is good) is that it seems to be replicating the taste of rum as much as the other ingredients—and I’m sorry, but rum is nasty. I know, I know, I drank plenty, back… but you always mix rum, usually with something sweet, and often with fruit juice. I’m talking about your average white rum—there are those dark, and aged, and fancy-pants Pusser’s rums that are—I’m guessing—complex and rich and, if nothing else, interesting. But the kind that tastes like this (replicated in this water), is, I’m sorry, nasty.

No. 113 – 7.27.25

Borjomi – Sparkling Natural Mineral Water

Here’s another hardcore mineral water—I think I bought at Cermak—it’s in a nice, glass, 500 ml bottle with a screw top, two labels, and there’s a little deer relief on the curve of the glass. Attractive label with mountains—it looks like rich-person product—but it only cost $3. And it is very minerally, and the flavor is slightly off-putting to me. Not undrinkable by any means, but a little much. Nothing like that other one—what was it? Vytautas, from Lithuania—that one practically tasted like there was salt in it. This one is from: 39 Tori Street, Borjomi 1200 Georgia. (I looked up the actual address—a bit shady, but then down their road, you can see some photos of a dude making gyros as: “Shawarma King.”) When I bought it, I might have thought it was from Georgia the state—not looking closely (elsewhere it says “Republic of Georgia”—which isn’t how you refer to the state—at least not at this point). So… this water comes from overseas, extracted from the earth—so how do we get it so cheaply? Georgia—formerly part of the Soviet Union—is a fascinating place.  You can spend your afternoon reading about it, like I did—pretty interesting. Plus, the water is tasting better the more I look at maps of the region—maybe it’s an acquired taste. Like many things.

No. 112 – 7.22.25

Waterloo – All Day Rosé

I had to immediately check the ingredients because I thought Waterloo might be expanding to the booze market! Then I noticed it says: “Non-Alcoholic” prominently in a little gold coin in the middle of the can. It’s the usual, “water and natural flavors”—what a pleasure it is, with these sparkling waters, to keep checking those ingredients, and keep seeing that minimal text! I was particularly excited to try this one because I believe it’s Waterloo’s “Grape” water that’s one of my favorites—for which I think I said something like: “They’ve done it! They’ve created an inexpensive non-alcoholic wine.” I’m quoting from memory, but that’s the gist—because that water did remind me of wine. And now they’ve introduced some new flavors that are definitely in the “mocktail” realm! (This was last summer, and I’m only getting around to this now—I’m still pathetically behind with the reviews!) Anyway, could they be listening to me? (No.)

So… this one—interesting, because as you know, rosé wine has a unique character. Even if I was still drinking, I wouldn’t get within 100 hectometers of rosé—it’s essentially a wine abomination. I’m sure I’m wrong about that—but I’m talking about the cheap stuff from, like, the Seventies. I didn’t even drink it as a kid, and I drank some crap. But I do remember it like it was yesterday. So, this one might be a little lighter and even less grapey than their “Grape,” but it really does touch on the rosé character. It’s pretty fascinating! I’m quite excited about this water! It could easily be my new regular (that is, if I had a regular). Great name, too, All Day Rosé—that’s inspired!

Okay. It’s now a year later, and I’m drinking my last can. When I discovered they were phasing it out, last fall, I tried to buy as much as I could carry, which wasn’t enough. I realize it was intended to be a “seasonal” flavor—and they probably didn’t expect it to go over as well as it did. Or maybe it went over horribly, I don’t know. It’s not like my opinion counts for anything. Should I write to Waterloo and beg them to bring this one back? Maybe I should—will they listen to me? (No.)

Also, I was afraid I might have just been blowing this up in my memory, so it’s very useful to be sampling one a year later. And guess what? It’s even better than I remember it! I’m going to say, this is my all-time favorite sparkling water flavor. It is! Of course, it’s a little alarming, as well. How do they pull off that weird sensation that you normally only get from alcohol? It’s hard to describe—kind of makes you feel funny in the chest—takes your breath away, slightly. This water has that! It’s really an amazing feat for a non-alcoholic beverage. Of course, it might be a slippery slope. If I end up falling off the wagon and destroying my life, I suppose at least I won’t, at that point, give a damn if Waterloo brings All Day Rosé back—I’ll be drinking whiskey.

No. 111 – 7.15.25

Whole Foods Market – Italian Sparkling Mineral Water

It comes in an overly tall (weird size: 33.8 ounces—why didn’t it just say the metric?) green plastic bottle with a label that looks like it’s trying to be vaguely European—I mean, if it was trying too hard it might seem kind of pathetic—since no matter what, you have the little circle there that says: “Whole Foods Market.” Notes: it’s good enough, overtly, slightly minerally, but mostly just clean sparkling, sparking water. It says on the label: “Low Mineral Content”—so there you go. Best thing on the label is: “Bottled straight from a PROTECTED SPRING in the heart of Italy.” That’s at least fun—whatever that means!

No. 110 – 7.9.25

Jelly Belly – Chocolate

When I try a sparkling water for the first time, I usually write down my observations in a document, then wait awhile, go back and revise it—maybe while trying it again—and see if I feel the same way. I am pretty thorough. I usually put a date on the initial document, which is why I notice how long it is, sometimes, from initially tasting the water until posting the review. I also keep these dates on a spreadsheet. I only mention this because of today’s odd, coincidental realization. I tested my first can of Jelly Belly Chocolate Sparking Water on July 4th, 2024—one day short of a year ago! Here was my initial observation:

I found two cans of this at World Market—first I’ve seen it—exciting find. This is a weird one! And it’s in 16-ounce cans, as you’re going to want more! There’s a metallic, chocolate-brown band along the top, kind of melting down, where it says “Chocolate.” And there’s a little rendition of a chocolate bar with a bite out of it—partially protruding from its red wrapper. They didn’t go all subtle with the flavor—to say the least—it’s bold. You can practically tell it’s chocolate from ten feet away. I had to double-check to see if there was actually sugar in it—it really fools you. Very chocolatey. Of course, it’s a little weird. The chocolate tastes a little off, a little phony, but I still like it. A lot. I feel like I could drink this regularly if I could find it!

So… without realizing that it was a whole year ago—for whatever reason, today, I decided I’d finally drink my second can of this water—sitting in the back of my fridge for a year! And my experience was almost exactly the same. It’s bold! It comes at you, just getting close. But I love it. It’s one of my favorites of all time. It just occurred to me that it reminds me exactly of that odd chocolate soda from my childhood—can’t remember the name—someone help me out. Maybe it was Choc-Ola—is that right? Slightly artificial chocolate flavor, but still pretty good. Anyway, this water has that one beat, because no milk and no sugar. Also, this is the water closest to the classic chocolate Egg Cream—but… not only containing no egg, and no cream—but also no milk, and no chocolate syrup! But is anything more refreshing on a humid summer day?

Why wasn’t this the biggest sparkling water success story of them all? Either they didn’t push it, or people have taste for shit (or, as ever, a combination of those factors). Anyway, I’m newly excited about this one—so I looked up their website, and I’m dismayed to see that Jelly Belly has discontinued all sparkling water! Why?! Apparently, they are still selling their diminutive beans of death—but no more sugar free sparkling water. Oh, well… I may have not only just drank the last can at World Market, but the last can in the world. I will save the can. Maybe collecting sparkling water cans will be the next trendy hobby, like collecting beer cans was, for a while, when I was a kid.

No. 109 – 7.3.25

Polar – Pink Apple & Lemon

So here it is—some apple flavored sparkling water—which I’d been complaining about not existing. Though—by this time—have I tried some other brand apple—or read about one? I’m not sure (I’ll have to look through these hundreds of reviews—some of which, not yet posted—I’m about a year behind, believe it or else!). Anyway, they couldn’t just go: “Apple.” And why not? I don’t get it. You’ve got apple wine, and apple tobacco, and apple juice, and APPLE PIE, for godsake! So… why Pink Apple & Lemon? You’ll have to ask the Polar Seltzer team over there in Worcester. “Family Made Since 1882.” Which means… I don’t even know. But anyway, I’m willing to forgive the pink and the lemon because they really nailed the flavor with this water. This is just going to have to be my regular, from now on, when I’m in a soft drink mood. You really, really don’t miss the sugar. It’s excellent. And I don’t even like apple juice—don’t touch that crap. This does, however, give me nostalgia for that crappy old Apple Tobacco, and the Boone’s Farm Apple Wine. It really does. The usual Polar can (with the logo where the polar bear looks like a white seal)—this one pleasing pink and silver two-tone. Terrible drawing of a pink apple and lemon—it looks like a tomato and an orange slice—a duo no one has ever seen together. A really good water, though.

No. 108 – 6.26.25

Vytautas – Minerals

This Vytautas mineral water is something. I bought a 500 ml bottle awhile back, finally tried it, and it almost scared me, it’s so extreme. It’s the most mineral-ly mineral water I’ve had. It’s funny, they just say “Minerals” under the Vytautas (well, small print: Carbonated Natural Mineral Water)—but who knows, when it’s not bottled for the English-speaking market. There’s also a little circle that says: “High Mineralization” and “7309 mg/L”—so I shouldn’t have been so surprised—but initially I thought I was being poisoned! I’m always saying I want MORE minerals in my mineral water—well here it is. But… too much to be pleasant! That’s because it reminds me too much of that stuff you take before a colonoscopy. But really—not that bad (that stuff is chemically)—and you could probably, easily develop a taste for this—and it’s probably got health benefits. It’s from Lithuania! Which is where, again? The Baltic Region of Europe—next to the Baltic Sea. North of Poland. No doubt cold winters. I wonder if it’s a good place to live. It probably is. Like anywhere else, the answer to that question is: “If you’ve got money.” You could spend the rest of your life just learning about Lithuania. This water is a good starting place. Maybe I should seek out the nearest Lithuanian restaurant. Will they have a gluten-free menu? Are the people nice? So many questions… Will this water grow on me? Will I buy it again?

No. 107 – 6.22.25