SOSA – The Soda – Water Kefir – Pink Guava

I bought one can of this on closeout at Bob’s! Had to try it—but what does it mean? Internet says it’s a “musical artist”—but my “acronym finder” (“smart” phone) gives me half a dozen acronym choices—which one? The can is a bit compact – 11.16 ounces – it’s from Hungary! It’s a very nice, well-printed can, light blue with three shades of orange sunrise. Looks like they’re trying to evoke the “Sixties” without going full-on Peter Max. “Naturally Crafted SOSA THE SODA Water Kefir Pink Guava Premium Quality.” An address in Gyula, Hungary, but distributed thru a place in Malibu. Also: “California Sunshine in a Tasty Beverage.” And: “Fermented for several days using organic water kefir grains and organic beet sugar. Delicious and refreshing with postbiotic benefits, non-GMO, vegan, gluten free, carbonated non-alcoholic, pasteurized.” A lot to put you at ease! —I’m not generally going to buy, try, or write about anything with sugar, but I was curious! The ingredients are on an added sticker (maybe over the ingredients in Hungarian?) “Water Kefir, Filtered Water, Pink Guava Puree, Beet Sugar, Lime Juice, Natural Flavors, Natural Mushroom Extract…” There’s even more, but I’m getting tired! It’s a pink, slightly carbonated, cloudy beverage, slightly sweet, some sediment, with a guava flavor, also some off-putting favor, not extremely gross or anything, but weird enough to not be totally pleasant. I hope it has some benefits!

Only later I saw either an AI or AA warning about the possibility of some alcohol (it IS fermented) and the potential of slippery slope-ness. Alcoholic Intelligence? Artificials Anonymous? At any rate, I felt myself slip into a state of distraction, initiated an online shopping spree, ordered every book about the hollow earth theory, and rushed a bottle of Myers’s Rum—which unfortunately now comes in a plastic bottle—but Amazon will only deliver liquor in plastic bottles. Still, felt like rock-bottom, barely half a step up from the plastic two-liter jug of Pissedmyself Vodka. Got an Uber just to take me across the street to the Pyramid Supper Club, dancing until dawn, doin’ the Mid-life Crisis, etc. Woke up in a cabin in the North Woods, shared with a dead body! Fortunately, the ground isn’t frozen yet, but how am I gonna explain… Okay, none of that is true. Some people will believe anything for a good story. I sampled the Water Kefir, and my observations? Gas.

5.11.25