Jelly Belly – Chocolate

When I try a sparkling water for the first time, I usually write down my observations in a document, then wait awhile, go back and revise it—maybe while trying it again—and see if I feel the same way. I am pretty thorough. I usually put a date on the initial document, which is why I notice how long it is, sometimes, from initially tasting the water until posting the review. I also keep these dates on a spreadsheet. I only mention this because of today’s odd, coincidental realization. I tested my first can of Jelly Belly Chocolate Sparking Water on July 4th, 2024—one day short of a year ago! Here was my initial observation:

I found two cans of this at World Market—first I’ve seen it—exciting find. This is a weird one! And it’s in 16-ounce cans, as you’re going to want more! There’s a metallic, chocolate-brown band along the top, kind of melting down, where it says “Chocolate.” And there’s a little rendition of a chocolate bar with a bite out of it—partially protruding from its red wrapper. They didn’t go all subtle with the flavor—to say the least—it’s bold. You can practically tell it’s chocolate from ten feet away. I had to double-check to see if there was actually sugar in it—it really fools you. Very chocolatey. Of course, it’s a little weird. The chocolate tastes a little off, a little phony, but I still like it. A lot. I feel like I could drink this regularly if I could find it!

So… without realizing that it was a whole year ago—for whatever reason, today, I decided I’d finally drink my second can of this water—sitting in the back of my fridge for a year! And my experience was almost exactly the same. It’s bold! It comes at you, just getting close. But I love it. It’s one of my favorites of all time. It just occurred to me that it reminds me exactly of that odd chocolate soda from my childhood—can’t remember the name—someone help me out. Maybe it was Choc-Ola—is that right? Slightly artificial chocolate flavor, but still pretty good. Anyway, this water has that one beat, because no milk and no sugar. Also, this is the water closest to the classic chocolate Egg Cream—but… not only containing no egg, and no cream—but also no milk, and no chocolate syrup! But is anything more refreshing on a humid summer day?

Why wasn’t this the biggest sparkling water success story of them all? Either they didn’t push it, or people have taste for shit (or, as ever, a combination of those factors). Anyway, I’m newly excited about this one—so I looked up their website, and I’m dismayed to see that Jelly Belly has discontinued all sparkling water! Why?! Apparently, they are still selling their diminutive beans of death—but no more sugar free sparkling water. Oh, well… I may have not only just drank the last can at World Market, but the last can in the world. I will save the can. Maybe collecting sparkling water cans will be the next trendy hobby, like collecting beer cans was, for a while, when I was a kid.

No. 109 – 7.3.25