Wednesday 10 August 2016

I'm at the new Durbar Indian Buffet in the Park East Hotel—for lunch—1pm on a very hot day. Not so hot, but humid, close—or maybe it's me. I thought by this time of summer I'm used to it—but I can't breathe or think—for some reason it's getting to me, more than usual. But if I think back to some of the hottest times in summer—I wouldn't be trying to write—or do anything too ambitious—and I'd be like braindead and melt—and I'd drink—maybe smoke cigarettes. Now I'm actually getting some stuff done. Anyway, I think I might be partially disoriented because I got up at 5am this morning—read a little—then went immediately out on a walk (well, 6:30) and I was so into the podcasts I was listening to (I listened to 4, or parts of 4 different ones) and of course walking—that I went for like a 2 hour walk—ended by a trip to the grocery store—so my whole day had a disorienting slant—it seems both later, now, and earlier, than it should—weird. Also, kind of like—what day is this? My work schedule—for REX stuff and Chris is kind of all over the place—which I like, in theory, anyway—no routine or fixed times—but on the other hand—it's disorienting, too, so I don't know. Anyway, yesterday—I had to go into the office and look for some documents—not easy to find—yet I did find them, so that was good. At least for how much a big waste of time that is—mission accomplished. But then, in general, I feel like I've been working too much for the amount I'm getting paid—yet, I'm essentially the one who decides how many hours I work—so it's all on me. And then, because Chris said something about liquidating stuff, it got me worrying that my work might dry up. I woke up at 4am yesterday with anxiety. But again, that's me—I'm the one making the anxiety. Always worry about jobs, money—but why? I guess I always will.