Busy as a spider.

I walked around this morning in the light rain and I noticed the first green things protruding magically from cracks and fissures. I take them for granted. I always say don’t rush it—for instance I’m still wearing pants outside. But it reminds me that I have to make a lot of changes. Do I have to? Not really, and any season will work, but I do want to make some changes soon. Spring cleaning? Maybe not until I start a Patreon for a housecleaner. I’m thinking about getting a different job, just to keep up with my bills—but can I find one? Also, I’m thinking about moving—but there are a lot of questions I have to answer first. I’m putting off medical this and that, health this and that. But keeping up with the haircuts.

Even though you hope the end result is positive, those changes take time and energy, which I’m increasingly stingy about. I keep trying to make things, because that’s what keeps me going. Since about year 2020 I self-published four novels and a book of stories. When I get around to re-reading them, I’ll know if I’m happy about them. I feel like I could have done better at getting them out into the world, but that’s no easy task for anyone. I sometimes tell people that nothing makes me happier than getting one of these books to a person who might want to hold onto it for a while—whether you read it or not? Who knows what makes a person connect with a book. I know I keep trying, as a reader, and it’s hit and miss, unpredictable, and can be frustrating, but is sometimes very rewarding.

Five books seems like a lot, but I started one of those in the Nineties, and some of the stories in the Eighties, even—they just happened to come together in a relatively short time period. The self-publishing journey has had its ups and downs, but I’ll not elaborate here. I’d be glad to talk to anyone individually about the good and bad sides of that, in my experience. Next for me is… I’m not sure. Part of me wants to make something I can immediately hand someone, like a drawing. But I also want to finish another novel—which is something that takes years from start to finish—and then is really hard to find an audience for. I do have one that’s nearly finished—probably one more draft and I’ll know if it’s done. And another, which is what I’ve been working on solidly since last year, is now through several drafts—it’s long, and I’ve been working on it on and off since 2008. Other than that, I’m looking forward to the fruit festivals. I still haven’t repaired my ventriloquist dummy. Not appearing at Coachella this year.

Randy Russell 4.12.26