Memo: National Cream Filled Doughnut Day Contest
/Or, My Life, In Under 1000 Words
It’s National Cream Filled Donut Day TODAY (Sunday 14 September 2525) and no one seems to be able to talk about anything else! What I want to know is why the word processing I use (I won’t name it), without warning, swells, so that the font size is too large for my screen. I easily, manually, make it smaller, but why do I have to? Maybe it just wants some love. The dog won’t stop barking. Not mine; sadly, I have no pets. I live in a hotel, so you never know what you’ll get. The high point of the summer was when the police burst into my room. (Passkey.) Unfortunately, I was dressed and not doing anything embarrassing. (No doubt wrangling with the word processing.) Wrong room! They wanted my neighbor. Those three-digit room numbers all look the same. WP “grammar” check suggests the first word of this paragraph be changed to “Its” rather than “It’s”—fortunately, I know better—I picked up that it’s vs. its in college, before dropping out, due to drunkenness. Someone should take that dog a cream filled doughnut! Or maybe some Milk-Bones. Do those still exist? Yes—I looked at their website. I rejected the cookies. I thought you weren’t supposed to feed dogs “dairy” because it gives them the “runs”—but maybe they like the runs, like people must (at least secretly). I no longer eat cream filled doughnuts, since I’ve cut down on “dairy” myself. Also, I quit sugar at the beginning of 2022 (or ’23—can’t remember, and I occasionally “fall off the wagon”). And I quit eating wheat in 1992—the year I still worked at the Zacson Corporation, where we’d get cream filled doughnuts about once a week from Barbara’s Bake Shop. I even quit the coffee (well, cut down to one cup at 5 a.m.) (but I recently improved my life by allowing a second, afternoon cup of coffee—and thus the wordiness of this issue).
Recently, I have quit watching sports, since I no longer have any “streaming services,” and I am against sports gambling. And the most recent thing I have quit, is posting on “social media” announcements of Donut Holidays (there are several “official” donut holidays a year, believe it or else!) on which I offer free copies of my recent, self-published books. (A goofy “tradition” I started because of my novel, The Doughnuts (which has nothing to do with donuts) and has understandably worn thin). So, this is one more thing I am quitting—no more offering free books on donut holidays! The reason for this is that the last two times I did it, no one responded at all (which gets to be a little humiliating). And there is good reason for that. Some people—who might have responded—already bought my books, and for that, I’m grateful! Also, would I respond to such a contest? I would not. Or maybe I would, but I’d worry that the person offering the books would expect me to read them within a reasonable time period (and what is that, exactly, for books?). So, I guess this a good time to admit that I have had books on my shelves for decades that I still haven’t cracked open—and still intend to! And, I have to say, when you’ve moved like a dozen times, taking all your books with you, and finally get to that novel that you’ve moved and shelved for thirty years, and then discover that it’s “not for you”—that’s a pathetic feeling. On the other hand, it’s one of those messy, absurd, and personal things that makes me feel alive. Because once in a while, the book is just the thing. You never know. Or it might take another ten years before you find out. I can live without sports on TV, and streaming TV shows, and doughnuts, and even pets… but I can’t live without books on my shelves.
“Have you also quit answering emails, texts, and letters?” That might be the question put to me by anyone not too annoyed to read this far. And so, I have to apologize to the few—but significant and important to me—people I haven’t gotten back to by email, text, and letter (well, I only received one letter this summer, but thank you!). I have not given up on keeping in touch with people. My excuse, if I’m allowed to have one, is I have been feeling overwhelmed. And that’s no excuse. There will come a time when I’m no longer overwhelmed, and that is when I’m dead. So I should embrace feeling overwhelmed. Right? And I will do my best to get back in touch. Maybe the cooler weather will help, and the… I don’t know. In the meantime, if I “owe” you a book from one of the previous “Donut Holiday Contests” and you haven’t received it, it’s either because you haven’t sent me your mailing address, I forgot, or the mail lost it (this has happened). Please remind me! Also, since it IS still a donut holiday, albeit a minor one, I will announce one last contest! The first ten people to respond via email, text, DM, or fax, or letter, and trust me with your mailing address, I will send a copy of my new novel, Around Desire. (And if you already have it, you can choose a previous book of mine, your choice.) Seeing how it’s likely that no one will respond, your chance of being one of the “first ten” is very, very good.
—Randy Russell 9.14.25