Like I said before, May is always the shortest month, which is I guess why they didn't even give it a full name. Just out of protest, I'm going to, from now on, insist on always calling it by its complete name: “May You Stay Forever Young.” So, yeah, I'm extending Memoir May through the entire summer, or maybe the rest of the year, which means nothing, really, if I don't sit down and type some stuff. And who can blame me, on any given day, if instead of sweating over a keyboard and a tattered, nearly illegible, 37 year old text—I go to the beach? But wait! All of this might be a moot point (expression I never use) because I have decided to dedicate my life (or at least my free time) to my newest passion: Board Games! Well, it's not that new, and more of an obsession than a passion, and not games plural, just one: Clue. That was the one game me, my mom, and my brother would play every Thanksgiving, and while I feel that the Brandy Alexanders were an integral part of the charm, I'm still drawn to that memory. But recently, while haunting Board Game Barrister (it's a local store), it came to my attention that there are now ALL THESE ridiculous versions of the Clue game—and I'm appalled! Okay, I can live with the Harry Potter one, and the Scooby-Doo one, but Star Wars? That doesn't even make sense! And Bob's Burgers? Golden Girls, okay, but Five Nights at Freddy's? (I don't even know what that is.) And Game of Thrones Clue?? They've gone too far! You think I'm making this up, but look on the internet or at your local kind of creepy gamers' hangout. I mean, what's next? Kardashian Clue? Manson Family Clue? Trump White House Clue?
Enough is enough, and that's why I've decided to make my own Clue game, but not license any tired franchise, and not even call it Clue (because they will sue my ass)—so it's a similar game, but I'm going to give mine an entirely new name and a new twist, and I don't even think it will be about a murder, because, okay, this is just me, but I don't find murder particularly a hoot. I'm not sure what my version will be, yet, but I think it will be in an old house, because that's my favorite part about Clue, but my house is going to have maybe two floors, and a basement and an attic! Up and down front stairs, back stairs, up the secret passage ladder, and down the clothes chute! I always wanted more rooms, more geographical complexity, and a longer game. It will be much more complex, yet more family oriented with the omission of the life shattering heinous crime. Though, I suppose I have to have some kind of transgression—to make it interesting... not sure yet. Maybe someone borrowed the vacuum cleaner, or stole the last slice of pizza. We'll see, but anyway, this is what I'm going to dedicate my time to, so if you miss me reviewing all those coffee shops that aren't in your town, and soap you don't care to try, and records you've never heard, put it in writing (RandySRussell at gmail), and if no one does, I'll know I'm in the clear tackle Monopoly next.
Randy Russell, 28 May 2019