Kroger Seltzer – Strawberry Lemonade

First of all, I’ll mention the can and get that bummer out of the way. Their logo, which I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, says: SELT/ZER/Water, in a blue circle surrounded by a blue dotted line, as if you’re supposed to cut along the line and keep little metal “proof-of -purchase” discs—save enough and win a trip to the Dumb Museum. I’ll say it again: With a minimum of effort, they really could come up with a better logo! Put someone’s 10-year-old kid on it! This can design says, “We do not give a fuck.” Like when they stopped providing shopping baskets at the store. Behind that, there’s some amorphous blobs of pink and yellow—except it’s actually two similar shades of garbage/vomit pink (see Bubly Bellini Bliss review). And not yellow at all, but gold. These colors do nothing to suggest strawberries or lemons—but I kind of like the gold—it’s an odd, evocative shade. The flavor of this one is surprisingly good—I suppose my expectations were low—maybe that’s the shitty-looking-can strategy. Anyway, pretty tasty. They kind of tanged it up, it’s not real subtle. I just read somewhere, fiction, kids snacking on cookies and lemonade—did we used to do that? No! It’s cookies and milk! If you’re drinking lemonade, you want to pair that with, what? Vodka, I guess. That’s called Texas Lemonade, which makes very little sense. But more sense than powdered “instant” lemonade. If life gives you lemons, and you can’t make lemonade—just remember, that doesn’t mean literally—it means make the best of things, and that’s most often easier said than done—so maybe keep your dumb sayings to yourself.

No. 138 – 1.29.26