Waterloo – Mojito Mocktail

Once again, a water review from thirteen months ago—why has it taken me so long? A lot of water, I guess, and not just under the bridge! That gives me an idea. I’m going to open a sparkling water bar—and sell exclusively flavored sparkling water and mineral water—no alcohol. I’ll hire a world class architect to capture the idea of water… in a building! Is that Frank Gehry still around? He is, at press time, not a young man, but this would be an easy knock-off for him—and I’ll be able to afford it because it’ll be located in some of that empty space under the Hoan Bridge—in fact, the city will pay me to build something there! A bar that sells no alcohol! —and they said it couldn’t be done in Milwaukee! And the name of the place will be: Water Under the Bridge! *(I’m sure someone’s thought of that, somewhere, it’s too easy—and the N/A and water bars have been trendy for a while now—but I did just think of this, so I’m going to claim “the internet is down” so I can’t research it—plus, it’s certain to be a counterintuitive sell, here in Sudsville-Hoptown-Day-Drinking City.) Anyway, here is the complete, unadulterated, year-old text of my original review:

One of three recent Waterloo fake alcohol sparkling waters—I hope these aren’t just seasonal—like for summer—because don’t people like to drink all year ’round? This one is not bad, but I don’t like it nearly as much as the “All Day Rose.” It’s got a slight rum flavor, and I’m not sure about the mint. It’s interesting—I recently tried the La Croix Mojito, which I didn’t like at all. But this one seems like it’s much subtler with the flavor, so maybe that’s the key (at least for me). But with both of them, I most notice the rum, and not mint or lime, at all—maybe that rum flavor is just overpowering. Both of them are a little weird. At the time I quit drinking, many years ago, I’d not yet ever had a real Mojito, so I can’t compare my memory of it with this water. And I’m not going to start drinking again so I can compare them. The other thing I’m not going to do is head-to-head compare the La Croix and this Waterloo—not falling for that nonsense! So it’s gonna have to be subjective memory—though, at least in this case, it’s only been a week apart. Where the Waterloo is a clear winner is the can design. The La Croix Mojito can looks a little like a movie poster for “Assholes in Paradise.” But this Waterloo one is beautiful deep purples and greens, with nice graphics of limes and mint leaves, and best of all, an intricate, tiny, highball glass with sliced limes and mint leaves—pretty inspired. That picture alone could be a slippery-slope alcoholic trigger, so watch it!

No. 117 – 8.12.25