Edward Byrnes “Kookie, Kookie (Lend Me Your Comb)” / “You’re the Top”

That I must have intended to insert this song (ironically) into my epic video, Seafood (2000), is the only reason I can think of for owning a copy of this annoying 45 with the hot-pink WB label. It’s Edward Byrnes, not to be confused with Edward Burns (also an actor), but to be confused with Edd Byrnes (Edd with two d’s) star of 77 Sunset Strip—a show I almost, vaguely, remember, but probably don’t, really. His character in that show was, not coincidently, named “Kookie.” This 1959, 2 minute and 5 second ear-virus has the distinction of being the longest two minutes in recorded history, due in part to what’s come to be known as the “Connie Stevens Effect” (nothing against Connie Stevens), as somehow, she fits into this short song at least six times her really annoying demand: “Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb… Kookie, Kookie…” It’s relentless! I’ll lend you my fucking comb! I know that’s the point, to be annoying, because for a moronic percentage of the general audience, annoying sells records. Sometimes that’s called “novelty.” Not that the record is without some funny bits, like: “Smog in my noggin,” and other hipster expressions. The B-side is a similarly hipster-esque version of Cole Porter’s “You’re the Top”—which is at least less annoying—but that’s a song, if ever there was one, that doesn’t need help in the cleverness department.

8.15.25