“The Middle” Zedd, Maren Morris, Grey

Sometimes I'll be eating somewhere and there is music in the air—I guess it's usually coming through invisible speakers, from a radio station or music service—presumably to make the dining experience more enjoyable—or maybe just because it's expected? Naturally, the person making music decisions wants the most inoffensive option possible—or maybe just to not have to think about it. If you played the Sex Pistols, some people would complain. I don't want to listen to the Sex Pistols while dining, either, but I wouldn't complain—but then I wouldn't complain in general. This music playing at this restaurant offends me and irritates me, but I'm not going to complain—at least not to people working at the restaurant. But song after song of similar music eventually makes me want to stick a fork in my ears (but I generally eat with only one fork) so sometimes, I'll use my phone to identify a song, then come back to it later for a more fair assessment. This one strikes me as particularly odd because it was a hit, apparently, and not by a band, but a producer (Zedd), a singer (Maren Morris), and an electronic music duo (Grey)—so there is not so much a band identity, which is a concept I find attractive, or at least intriguing. But then it's about the song, which is something I feel strongly about—music being song oriented. But in this case, the song is just terrible, both lyrically and musically. The singing is manipulated digitally to such an extent that it sounds like a commuter-generated voice, while still feeling trained and boring. The music is minimal, nothing too interesting or offensive except for the percussion, which sounds very similar to the ratchet-wrench style I dislike so much, but less hi-hat oriented, more drum, but sped up faster than a human can play, so it's necessarily robot-like and mechanical. That leaves you with the lyrics, which are about a fight between two people in a relationship, with the singer's plea for meeting “in the middle”—which is just so bland and weak and lifeless—the best part is some imagery about a kitchen in disarray after a fight. At least there's a kitchen! But overall, this is the most soulless, annoying, and dull song I've ever focused on. I'm kind of sad I spent the time, but at least now I can get a little laugh of recognition if I hear it again, amidst the ocean of similar irritating contemporary soundscape.