Garbage Memo – October 4, 1981 – Dag Nabbit

Hanging out the window with a beer in my hand; yelling “OH NO, OH NO, OH NO!” Somebody's gotta do it so here goes--- DEPEYSTER! DA PIE STIR! UP DIS WAY! NO NO NO, THIS WAY! WE BEEN THAT WAY ALREADY! FUCK! DEAD END! SHIT, THEY SURE BURY THESE STREET MARKERS DEEP, DON'T THEY? WELL, WE GOT IT LOOSE ANYWAY. WHAT'S IT SAY, ANYHOW? DEPEYSTER. OF COURSE. WELL, LET'S GO DOWN THIS WAY, MAYBE THE ROAD STARTS AGAIN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DEAD END. No way, man; the party ain't even at the Big Wow house, it's like, somewhere else. Let's take a head count, I think we lost somebody. Two dropped out? Shit, we only got 10 people left, but that's enough to start a small riot. NOTE: DO NOT DO BACK FLIPS THROUGH TALL HEDGES. THEY ARE MADE OF WOOD. Listen, I know. We must go all the fucking way out by the Plaza. I heard one of the guys say that the party was out that way. CAN WE LOOK FOR DEPEYSTER WHILE WE'RE THERE? It ain't on Depeyster! But, but, but..... OK we will search for Depeyster, but I think somebody else dropped out. That's OK they hadn't memorized the Burger Chef & Jeff record yet. WELL, HERE'S THE FUCKING PLAZA, WHERE'S THE PARTY? Where's Depeyster? FUCK DEPEYSTER! I know. Let's go to the Models' house. THEY KNOW WHERE THE PARTY IS. Off to the Models. Whoopie. NOTE: DO NOT DO LEAPING SOMERSAULTS INTO INTERSECTIONS. IT SCARES THE ONCOMING TRAFFIC. IT ALSO WILL TEAR OFF ALL THE SKIN ON YOUR KNEES AND ELBOWS.

At the Models' house. Shit, they be trippin & flippin. All of a sudden they got a room full of drunks walking in circles and chanting PERPLEXING PICKLES & TICKETS? YOU'VE GOT TICKETS? Whoa. Got the info, we be off; we've only been on the street for 3 hours looking for this fucking party. WE GET THERE JUST AS IT'S GEARING DOWN. Bunch of tripping hippies. Jamming has stopped. Too late. Keg of beer that still has beer in it but most of the ice has melted. Basement was full of people, but they started sneaking upstairs shortly after our arrival. Trading snide remarks with loons. Start making our own unique music, with no instruments or nothing; just scat and shit and doing RHYTHMS and ZOOT. Flipping everybody out real GOOD, even surprised ourselves even. Randy starts playing drums and we all do weird air guitars and noises, start doing like licks from the Burger Chef record, which REALLY flipped them out cuz we all knew it and did these fucking routines and shit; kept drinking all this BEER and fuck, we never thought we'd find the place so we made the most of the time we were there; drove everybody out of the basement except for one WOW, who urged us to drink heavily. WELL, WE LEFT AFTER A WHILE. Half the fun was getting there. Shit, lottsa stuff happened, like fucking with the cats at Domino's, doing a fake fight in the parking lot. SEARCHLIGHT! FUCK, THE COPS BE LOOKING US DOWN, MAN! Good evening officer, what's the problem? HE HAD BEEN WATCHING US AT OUR HEIGHT OF ASSHOLE-ISM. Cop says, that's what I want to know. NO PROBLEM. Good night. Do you know that was the meanest fucking cop on the Kent police force? Yeah, I SURE HOPE HE DON'T FIND OUT ABOUT SPOT BURNING UP ALL THE EGGS AT THE MODELS HOUSE. Hoo ha.