7/20/77

I ain't wrote in here in a hell of a long time and I may never write in it again and I wouldn't be writing in it now if I wasn't half loaded. This summer is passing so fast it is scary. It has been great so far, but then again it has been terrible. I haven't done half the stuff I wanted to. I haven't even played tennis once. Everything that happens seems to be depressing (good things that end too soon are depressing). I will talk about some good things first, then bad. I don't think I will mention every time we drink, it will get to be boring. I like drinking (beer mostly) but what we do while drinking is the most fun. I get so depressed sometimes, I have to chew licorice root to help me out, this seems to work, but I don't know how long it will work.

Well, Tom and I saw “Star Wars” and sat through it twice and it was great. I loved it. I needn't say more. I sure as hell won't try to describe it. We went down to the river a couple of times for the first time this summer. Shooting bottle rockets there is great. We went one night (last Monday), me, Tom, Strayer, Kevesdy, and Kromer. We got there when it was dark and the river was flooded from the recent rain. We drank a twelve of Stroh's, and it was kind of a weird night.

Now that I start writing all this shit down I realize how much stuff we have been doing. I must be looking for a total new experience because the regular stuff doesn't satisfy me anymore. Maybe suicide is the experience I am looking for. We have done a lot of shit. One night we went to Mauk's party and talked to Neuman for a while and he was almost nice and said a few intelligent things. We slept out in Pelton Park one night and that was fun, too. Tom and I saw “A Bridge Too Far” (a hell of a way to spend a day off, it was three hours long) and I liked the movie and everything but it totally depressed me. A chaw of licorice and a six mile run (with Dan) in the rain cured that. (I don't know why a movie like that should depress me, though. Maybe it was all the killing. I'm getting sick of violence. Maybe it was something else.) The high point of the month was the ELP concert Agsten and I went to last night. I won't bother to describe it, because it's something I won't forget.

Tonight Tom, Mike, and I bought a few sixes of Labatt's and went to Kromer's house (I think in the future I will stop writing about every little time we get drunk and just write my philosophies). It was really pretty fun and we had a good time telling our spontaneous dirty jokes. I'll say no more about it however and this will serve as a turning point in my journal. Now I want to talk in riddles.

I think if you give THINGS time (anything really) it will work out the way you want it to, if you planned properly. But for me time is running out, and fast. The summer is so far over I can't believe it. I did not really realize it was July yet and it is the 20th already. I have read very too few books already this summer. I can't believe this will be my senior year already. Time is my enemy. I feel like the 90 year old man that hasn't seen a sunset yet. I can't begin to understand life. I really can't understand girls. Kim Kevesdy is a good example (she said she didn't like Star Wars). Just when you think you understand somebody they do something or say something to totally fuck up your mind. I saw Brenda Roth and Ann Bernard at the ELP with Bill Robertson and Mike Baaske. Jesus Christ. People just blow my mind. You can't classify people. I had Tim Neuman down as a total asshole until we talked to him at Mauk's. Classifying as jocks and freaks is also worthless. It can't work. You don't know any body well enough. I have the most trouble understanding myself. Or maybe I understand myself too good. I don't know. Who does? God? I won't get into that. I've wrote too much already and I'm fucking tired. Maybe I'll write a bit more tomorrow morning. Maybe I'll never write in this again. Who fuckin' cares anyway.

I know I'm crazy. I'm just as crazy sober as drunk. Just when I'm drunk I lose my inhibitions and express my insanity a bit more.

How people act is really weird. If you get a certain person away from someone else they are OK, but in the other person's presence, they are totally different and often assholeish.

On thing I am thankful for is friends. I thank God and my self for a lot of friends. Tom thinks the most like me and his thoughts and my thoughts are almost identical, although we don't have to relate them, I just know.