“Glamour Profession”—last song, side one of Gaucho (1980)

This is maybe the strangest Steely Dan song ever, now that I focus on it. It almost feels like you're not supposed to focus on it—like it's just this interlude between the first songs on the record and the rest of the songs. But that's crazy—and if that was the case, I'd have nothing else to write. So I'm going to see what happens when I try to make sense of it. Most of it is pretty literal, even detailed, with LA and drug references—but then there's the chorus: “Local boys will spend a quarter just to shine the silver bowl”—which sounds like drugs, as well, in the context—but why those words, exactly? Followed by “Living hard will take its toll.” Is there a more banal line than that in the English language? I really feel like I'm missing something. But maybe the whole song is like a catalog of things I don't get. It's eight seconds longer than “MacArthur Park” but makes even less sense. Then—disco, or in particular, disco drums, which sound machine-like, and bass, which sounds high (as in the bass player is high). Unpleasant synthesizer—I mean in a song where you have piano and electric piano, already. Noodly jazz guitar—well, that's where I start to come around to it, actually. I like that guitar. And the backup vocals are fine. Maybe—this just occurred to me—the music (including the lyrically limp though pleasant bridge), most of the playing, and about half the lyrics—all serve as kind of a blank canvas—so it's kind of like gessoing a canvas—for the very specific, colorful, downright weird, and often hilarious details. 6:05 (the time—oddly exact, though in the morning or evening?—“outside the stadium”). Hoops McCann (no basketball player would ever have that name). Brut (the aftershave). Carib Cannibal (is that a boat you'd set foot on?) And: “Celluloid bikers/Is Friday's theme/I drove the Chrysler”—that's actually fairly brilliant. And finally, my favorite: “At Mr. Chow/Szechuan dumplings/after the deal has been done.” Now I'm hungry.

—Randy Russell 5.3.20