Institut Karité Paris – Almond & Honey Perfume Shea Soap

“Pukey McDookie”

Don’t be put off by that “nickname”—like I said before, the hardest part of my job here is to come up with that few-syllable “tagline”—as if I’m some ad agency douchebag. On the other hand, feel free to be put off by this one, because it accurately hints at my reaction to this soap. Honestly, I almost just threw it away. Like I said before, with soap fragrances, watch out for nuts and sweet stuff—and this one has both. Also, watch out for lead-footed perfumers. Nothing against the French. I love the French. But this soap smells like a time machine funeral parlor in a gothic exploitation comic book. Also, it’s been brought to my attention by the underpaid Speen-dot-com staffers that this is “Soap Review Number 200” on the Soap Exotica page! Am I supposed to jump for joy? Well, I’m not falling for that celebration of the base-ten system—it’s just a number. I don’t care more about 10 than 3 or 7—why should I? Until there are 10 days in a week, anyway. And why not? Why 7? It’s totally arbitrary, not based on any celestial orbiting balls and shit. The good thing about having a 10-day week is we could then have a 5-day weekend—every week—and no one could complain! Anyway, I guess 200 is a lot of soap reviews. You’d think I’d feel a little cleaner than I do.

Soap Review No. 200