Asquith & Somerset – Winter Pine & Clove

“Essence of Voban”

I actually have a few large (they're always large) bars of this Asquith & Somerset soap, which you can find at TJ Maxx and Marshall's, sometimes, which I assume they buy in enormous bulk when it's overstocked somewhere. You can get some good quality stuff at those stores, as well as crapola bullshit—it's up to you to know the difference. I am assuming this soap actually does come from England (which doesn't mean good, necessarily, as Coldplay also comes from England). Oh, I see, it's “designed” in England, meaning nothing. It's made in Portugal, which doesn't necessarily mean good, even though my favorite writer and favorite liquor come from Portugal. And this is, again, one of those suitable for the half-bath in the pink, ceramic shell soapdish. On the packaging, there's a children's book illustration of a couple of cherubic rug-rats sledding. I expected a lot from this one, as “Winter Pine & Clove”—two of my favorite things. I mean, pine! And I love clove oil, cigarettes, and clove in food—I love it. The weird thing is, I would never smell this and say pine or clove—I just don't smell those at all. What I would say, offhand, is puke—though maybe that's being a little harsh. It does smell pukey, though, really pretty harsh, kind of sharp, like digestive acid. Or maybe it's that powder stuff they put on puke in grade school. Anyway, that's making it sound worse than it is. I've been using this soap for a month, and I keep kinda liking the fragrance (at least it's strong and bold), and I like how my hands smell after washing my hands with it—like a middle-aged man who works in sales. The ingredients list, however, is a little alienating, so we'll just gloss over that at present. Curious, now, about the other A&S varieties. Bummed this one doesn't transport me to a pine forest, smoking a Djarum.

Soap Review No. 87