La Croix – Beach Plum
/If you have the job at La Croix coming up with the names of flavored water, you must double up with some other duty—one would think—even with the ridiculous number of varieties available. Names like “Lemon” didn’t require much—but “Beach Plum” is clever, really, because you can’t imagine La Croix “Plum” sparkling water. Of course, it could be flavored after the Beach Plum—but that’s too regional and esoteric a fruit, isn’t it? Maybe not, because no one eats plums at the beach. Maybe it’s describing a “bathing beauty”—but isn’t that a peach? This confusion is why I find this name so clever. Unfortunately, it doesn’t really taste good—there’s something off about it. It doesn’t matter that it doesn’t really taste like plums—or maybe it does, and that’s the problem. Anyway, it’s too floral to be appetizing and too normal to be interesting. (Some oddball out there surely loves it.) I don’t eat that many plums, actually—and maybe never a beach plum. I do eat a lot of prunes, which are dried plums, because they’re available year ’round at all the worst stores, and they’re pretty good. They also help you go… you know, number 2. Though, I couldn’t imagine them coming out with a La Croix Prune—maybe for that reason. “Beach” invokes good feelings with almost everyone, unless maybe you’re thinking Omaha Beach. “Plum,” even if you don’t like fresh fruit, also means very, very, very good. And then there’s Christmas pie—but I can never shed the image of that gross, little Little Jack Horner. A lot going on here—I’ve almost talked myself into thinking it’s really kind of good.
1.10.23