Wednesday 11 February 1998

Tony was visiting for the last couple of days, so our evenings were full—it was nice to see him—hadn’t since moving out here, four years ago. Okay—the next big question about this project is: Do I use real names or fake ones? Is it fiction or non? Well, I’ve thought about it and I’ve decided to not change the names. That simplifies things, for one thing, plus I don’t want to call it fiction. I don’t want to call it non-fiction, either—or memoir, or autobiography or diary or journal. I don’t know what to call it—I suppose anything that would sell. It seems like no one’s interested in reading fiction anymore—or maybe there’s just already enough—anyway, it’s next to impossible to get fiction published, and then distributed, and then read. Tony said he knows a National Book Award winner who can’t get her novel published. So, I’m thinking, in this current blight, where people want to read dirt on the celebrities, but no novels, I’ll just write dirt and then become a celebrity somehow. I still feel that it’s all a load of shit, but I’m just writing—and it’s going to be so much true and so much fiction, etc. etc. no matter how much I try to do either one or the other—so I may as well just declare the form that I think will sell easiest—because the writing is going to be more or less the same either way. It’s style, it’s lies, it’s the truth.

Also, I’m really interested in filmmaking with the line between documentary and fiction narrative blurred. So this is an experiment along those lines, as well—and I also think it will be the future of the art form. So there!

The early versions of this project were in fictional form—so I don’t know how that’s going to fit all together—if it is. But anyway, what a mess. Some is written, rewritten (though not published)—and then there’s scrawled notes for years after that, and then there’s blank spaces. Maybe I should just succinctly outline the past several years—since the start of this project—and then we can just use that for reference, and get on with the present. Here it goes:

Fall 1988—moved to Cleveland.

January 1989 to December 1989—wrote project called Everyday—includes trip out West and then return to Cleveland.

January 1990—started “The Mauve Decade”—ideally a continuation of Everyday that would continue throughout the decade, century, and millennium. (Not sure when writing for The Mauve Decade was abandoned—will figure that out later.)

August 1990—moved to Iowa City with Elissa. Job at Zacson Corporation.

March 1992—quit eating wheat. Opened store: “The Secret Goldfish.”

Summer 1993—break up with Elissa.

Fall 1993—start going out with Heather. Quit drinking.

Fall 1993—work on American Job movie with Chris Smith.

Winter 1993—move to Seattle with Heather.

Summer 1994—move to Portland with Heather.

Fall 1994—move to Glisan Street apartment.

Summer 1995—work at Check Central.

Fall 1995—to NYC, American Job premier at MOMA.

January 1996—go to Sundance Film Festival with American Job.

March 1996—visit Chris in San Francisco to attempt new projects.

April 1996—visit Los Angeles, stay with Peter Rashkin—American Job at LAIFF.

Summer 1996—hired at SSBLS (on July 4th).

October 1997—Fuel Tour.

January 1998—break up with Heather.

February 1998—move to Beech Street house, basement room.

February 1998—start this project.