Forgive Me

I'm still working on this new website. It's been kind of fun, when it's going well. Nothing is all that difficult about it, but of course, for me, I will find difficulty. But for the most part, it's looking pretty good, but some days I just don't want to deal with it. A few things weren't working out and I over-reacted, freaked out, and got a stress-related backache.

What has been most fun has just been trying out some ridiculous stuff, and writing some crazy and dumb shit, not worrying that anyone will see it because I've only shared this with like two people so far. So I figure I can write anything I want to and there will be a chance to edit it or delete it. Then it occurred to me that I might like the whole thing better if I never actually showed it to ANYONE. Which, of course, misses the whole point of having a website.

So I guess I have to start putting this website address here and there, since my old one has gone down, as the hosting expired. I guess the way I should approach things, which is the way I should approach all writing, is to write something in a draft, then come back to it and edit it. It's amazing how often something that seems OK when you write it comes across as ridiculous, foolish, and bad, later on. I thought that maybe the older I got, the less this would happen, but no. I'm just as capable of bad writing as I've always been.

So, I've got to go through and change some stuff NOW, I suppose, because I wrote and posted some pretty lame shit. But I'll fix it. That's OK. I want to try to free myself from constant self-doubt and criticism and just have fun. But I do want to have the option to go back and erase the mistakes I've made when a little TOO goofy. Anyway, the one place that I'm not going to do much editing is in this "Memo" section... because the idea here is that it's like what I might be writing in a notebook in a coffee shop, and so of course may well be boring or insane. So, anyone who might read this, if there is anyone reading it ever, please forgive me.

420

I'm painfully aware of the date, 4/20, and always make a joke about it, and even go on and on sometimes, even though I haven't smoked marijuana since 1989, and am not inclined to return to it any time soon (even then, I wasn't much into it).

Anyway, this is my first observation on this day, which happens to be the day I'm first creating this "blog" or "online journal" for my new website, which I'm working on right now, with quite a lot of impatience and frustration. Not that it's that hard, and in fact seems fairly easy, it's just that there is a lot to it, and I'm generally not fond of spending too much time tinkering around with anything technical, from computers to automobiles to musical compositions. Fiction writing is what I'm interested in; that's what I want to spend my time tinkering with. But for some reason it seems we have to all be good at all the things we're not good at.

I'm not even sure what sense it makes to have some kind of blog on this new website, but if nothing else, this might be a good place for me to complain about leaf blowers.