It Happens Every Spring

Not Quite “The Lost Weekend”

There was a moment last week, outside, walking somewhere, when a cool breeze felt exactly like an autumn wind—the one where you know it’s bringing in the season—soon the heater will be on, and you’ll wear a coat and hat outside. I’m sure there’s a drug that would give me that exact feeling, and alleviate summer claustrophobia and panic. A drug that would be a breeze blowing through my brain—a sense of optimism and possibilities. But what drug, and how much, and how much does it cost? My “health insurance,” such as it is, probably won’t cover it—I was just informed that it wouldn’t cover my migraine medication any longer. Fortunately, I’ve been getting way fewer migraines, for some reason. It seems like, from talking about it to other people who get them, migraines are different for everyone. Maybe different from migraine to migraine. Mine are not as bad as many I’ve heard about. My migraines kind of take little problems and blow them up to epic proportion (headache, nausea, feeling of hopelessness, insurance not paying for little magical pills…)

Every so often I need to change everything. Maybe not everything, but the more everything the better. Apartment, job, city where I live. What time I get up in the morning and what I’m working on. You get into ruts, and what for? Does it really matter if I don’t type up old journals on “Memoir Monday,” eat tacos on Tuesday, write soap reviews on Saturday, etc.? If I don’t fulfill my challenges and meet my goals this week? If I don’t write back quite yet? The dust only gets so thick and then it gets no thicker…

—Randy Russell 4.27.25