Contest! Win a paperback copy of The Doughnuts!

There is a copy of The Doughnuts with your name on it. I mean, not literally, unless your name is “Doughnuts”—which probably means you’re a cat or a gerbil, in which case, why are you reading this?

I have ten extra copies of my novel, The Doughnuts, burning a hole in my desire to give one away.

This is the easiest contest in the world! All you have to do is email me before ten other people do. No purchase required! You don’t even have to “allow cookies” or provide incriminating information. All winners will remain anonymous.

So! All you need to do in order to “win” is be one of the first ten people to email me between NOW and my birthday, which is a week from today. (If you don’t have my email, find it on the Contact page of my website, RSPEEN.COM. If you are one of the lucky ones, I will mail a book to you in the next couple of weeks! (Via media mail, so it might take a few more weeks!) (Or, if you reside locally, near Milwaukee, you can get it more quickly—and save me packing and postage—by picking it up at the Plaza Hotel.)

Here is the fine print:

(It’s not that fine.) You do not have to write a book review. You do not have to write a book report. You do not have to let me know if you read it. If you do read it and have constructive criticism, you do not have to tell me. (You can if you want to, and I’ll be appreciative of your wisdom.) You do not have to read the book anytime soon. You do not have to read it at all. (It’s a long book in a short-attention-span world.) You do not have to report your good luck on social media. You do not have to keep the book. You can sell the book if you want to. Or give it to a friend (or enemy). I can’t even really tell you that you can’t just put the book directly into the trash, or the recycling, though that would be kind of a dick-move, right?

—RR 1.12.21