One additional note: from September 1981 to January 1982, my only journal writing took the form of participating in the group journal writing project, THE GARBAGE MEMO, at our punk record store, Garbage Inc., in Kent, Ohio. These were typed on the huge, old, store Royal office typewriter. I am re-typing some of those entries here, including some written by other authors than myself. After the date, I will indicate my best estimation of the author of that particular entry. —Randy Russell
Tuesdays are not good days. They are as bad as Mondays in the way that they affect you. But they don't give you the excuse for being under the influence of them as Mondays do. This in not good because when someone asks what the matter is and you tell them it is Monday they think you are insane. If you tell them it is Tuesday they are not very sympathetic at all. So it is a bad deal all around on Tuesdays.
I want to be a punk rock musician. Here are my plans. I will acquire a cheap solid body electric guitar from Sears. This is so I can smash and mangle it without losing much money. I will buy big gigantic amps and speakers and stuff that blows your goddamn eardrums out. I will also get a few of the craziest fuckers I can find to be in the band with me. At one of our performances I will wear a big Army jacket with the sleeves cut off and no shirt under it. I will wear gym shorts (Union Jack) and long scurvy underwear with holes in the knees. I will just bang on the guitar and yell into the microphone about how I hate every goddamn thing in the world. If any asshole jumps on the stage, I will kick his bloody teeth in and break his neck. I will get rich.
Three day weekends are great. A three day weekend makes a four day week. This is also great. On a regular weekend there is always some work to do of some kind. This is sorry because that is what we just did all week. This makes a one day weekend and a six day week. Therefore, on a three day weekend, we have actually a two day weekend, so this is really not great but good. A four day weekend is great.
Budweiser is good beer, but it is overpriced. This famous domestic brew is rather strong in flavor and may not be enjoyed at first but soon can be acquired a taste for. The flavor is good though, but it is rather light (being Lager) as most American beers are. Many people like to buy the beer for the famous Budweiser name and the label. This is the reason for its main downfall: the price. At near $2.00 a six pack, this is definitely an overpriced beer to say the least as you are paying for the famous name and neat label and all their bloody advertising!
The debut album of a German group called Lake is an album that I have been waiting for, but from a group such as a Utopiac group such as the “British-American Rock Superstars.” Every thing about it is good: Songwriting (maybe most important), good guitar, a variety of excellent keyboards, and excellent singing. There is considerable variety and any long instrumental parts are not only interesting, but exciting (though there are few). This is the kind of album you want to listen to every night and do nothing else while listening to it. The only thing this group lacks is an identity, and this will not be for long. Too bad they're a bunch of God damn krauts.
Sleep is a bitch. We spend about one third of our life sleeping and this seems to be a great waste. When you are sleeping, the time passes without any realization of it at all. Sleep interrupts work, studies, and fun. And all for what? So you can get up in the morning and be tired and sluggish. I somehow wish we could attain the needed rest in a shorter period of time such as an hour; think how much more time we would have to do things and read books.
I recently taste tested Octoberfest Beer by Schmidt's and was very pleased. For average beer prices the beer drinker can purchase this delightful dark and rich beer. The flavor is deep and rich and over-all very mellow. And dark beer is not commonly found, especially for low price. Though this commercially produced brew cannot be close to naturally processed beer, it comes about as close to “Toboso Dark Beer” as any I have tasted. So pick up a six or twelve pack, or even a case of Schmidt's Octoberfest Beer for a change, and you may want to make it your regular beer.
I think eating is a bunch of garbage and a waste of time and money. We spend precious time every single day shoving food in our mouths, and the money you spend on food... aaaahhhh. I can't even begin to figure that out. Most people eat too much anyway and that is why there are so many fat slobs. I heard that 30% of our country is overweight, and by what I see, I would call that a low estimate. If we all ate less there would be more blood to go to our stupid brains so we could think of some way to solve the overpopulation problem when there are less people dying from heart problems (from eating less, too).
I was shocked by many of the questions on the ACT application form. There is no reason to ask many of these. Asking your name and age and social security number and address can be expected for obvious reasons. But then I got to “what percentage of your class are the same race as you” and I was appalled. Even worse were such asinine questions asking what grades I expected to get in college. But even more ridiculous was the personal questions such as how many times I take a leak a day and what color my shit is.
I think it is terrible that so many people these days in America are “videots.” This means that people depend on TV and watch entirely too much, thinking that TV is reality. This makes people want to not get involved enough and just sit and watch. It also makes people lazy, and there is no physical fitness achieved through watching TV. It also gives people a distorted view of life. People tend to be paranoid about things like crimes because they are flooded with crime shows, of which few are near realistic.
Cleveland has a big problem. While Ralph Perk was worrying about cleaning up the smut in Cleveland, he overlooked another big problem. This is the problem of the dirty, dilapidated streets and buildings. On the median strips weeds grow incredibly tall. The roads are in horrendous condition. There are chuck holes in the roads as big as craters. And the buildings are true eyesores.
I am glad Ralph Perk is out of the running for mayor of Cleveland this year. The people finally used their intelligence to realize that Perk is nothing but a politician. His attack on pornography was totally ridiculous. He should have been working on other problems such a crime or poverty in Cleveland. Instead he was trying to ban the “dirty” books at the airports. If the people of Cleveland would have elected him again, I would have lost my hope for the poor [last word is illegible].
I think I will get rich by kidnapping myself. First I will mysteriously disappear and send a ransom note to my folks. I will include a good description of myself and an old shoe or something to insure identification. I will also call them on the phone and act like the kidnapper and then put myself on and start crying. I will warn them not to contact the police and demand one million dollars. I will have my little brother deliver the money to a carefully picked spot and will be there myself to collect. I will hide the money and walk home with him. My parents will have obtained the money on loan and hopefully the insurance company covers ransoms, so they will get it all back. I will then keep the ransom and be rich. My folks may be mad when I tell them, but a couple of grand will make them forgive me.
Shooting bottle rockets has developed into a fine art. The launching of the small missiles from a moving vehicle is the most specialized and enjoyable form of the activity. Some unprepared fellows try to light the projectiles with ordinary matches, but it is much easier to use a disposable lighter such as a Cricket or similar brand. The procedure is quite easy. The rocket's fuse is lit and the rocket pointed out an open window towards the target. The rocket may either be held by hand or put in a beer can or bottle, which is more accurate and safer. The hard part of bottle rocket launching is obtaining the desired target. Many hours of practice is required to be able to get good enough to put one in another car window.
Last night the little creatures that have been lurking about the house returned to try to kill me. After the first incident I decided to get prepared. I borrowed my friend Jim's .22 caliber automatic pistol and put it under my pillow. At three o'clock I still hadn't gone to sleep because of the hard lump under my pillow, and it was a good thing. Two of the little fiends appeared in my doorway holding what appeared to be long sticks with a couple lengths of rope running from end to end. As soon as I saw them I started firing wildly and tore up the wall and doorway but finally hit one in the leg and they both ran off squeaking. In the morning I checked the carpet where they were to check for blood, and I found a trail of light tan stains leading out of the back door.
Abstract traveling in my car, which is traveling near or past the speed of light via the anti-matter warp drive engines, is very complex. The car must be traveling forward at any speed and the warp drive engines are switched on and controlled through the under dash computer. There is almost an unnoticeable flash of light outside of the car and then everything seems normal again. You are traveling along at the same speed as the conventional engine controls but what is around you is different. At a speed near the speed of light everything else slows down so much they appear to be frozen. You can drive the car right through people, cars, or buildings. It is impossible to stop the car, however, or you will jump to normal speed. As you pass the speed of light it seems the same, but now everything movies backwards—though you are actually traveling back in time. Traveling faster than twice the speed of light has never been tried, and is considered very dangerous.
My car, a 1966 V.W. Squareback, is more than it looks. It has a conventional, hard working 4 cylinder engine, aided by a double turbo charger, and a computer controlled 4 speed gearbox, which makes it very fast by conventional standards. For abstract traveling, the car has an anti-matter warp drive engine. This will take the car instantly to near or past the speed of light. The AM radio is actually the flight computer to control these processes. There is a large arsenal in the car that is seldom used but always ready. This consists of the ordinary twin laser guns, the powerful photon torpedoes, and 4 remote controlled explosive anti-matter pods, located in the hubcaps. There are also nuclear weapons: a pair of neutron bombs and an alpha-omega ultra powerful doomsday bomb.
Recently, there have been strange beings trying to attack my house. What they are after I don't know. I think it may be my automobile, a 1966 Volkswagen. They also may be after my priceless artwork or beautiful poems. These creatures come only in the night. I have never seen them clearly, because of darkness. They are only about four feet tall and wear coats with hoods that cover their faces. They never make a sound, and always walk quietly and stay in the shadows. Only once have they been in the house. On a very quiet night, I was having nightmare and woke up. I saw shadows moving outside my bedroom doorway. I quietly grabbed my Wrist Rocket slingshot from my bed-stand and a lead sinker. Then I peeked out from under my covers to see a pale boney hand clutching a long, twisting, silver dagger come slowly around the corner. I waited until the creature was upon me and I let the sinker fly full force. The creature squealed and was down the hallway and gone.
Billy Carter is my hero. He is now promoting a beer named after him, called Billy Beer. I think this will be the only beer I will drink. I admire Billy because he makes money and takes advantage of it. He doesn't care what people think, and he just does what he wants to. He is probably very honest and is just a good old redneck. I think I will send for an autographed picture of him to hang above my cooler.
I hate it when monkeys get in our trash cans. This gets me very upset. They jump around and make a big mess, spilling garbage all over the driveway. Many mornings I am awakened at 3 or four o'clock to the sound of “oooh, ooooh, ooh, ooooh, ooooh.” I think the only solution to the problem would be to lay out and wait for the monkeys to come in the morning. Then aim my .458 magnum rifle at them and squeeze the trigger. If mom would only give me my bullets back this would work. Or maybe I could buy some monkey traps at Hills.
NEWS
Home Page—notice of recent additions to this website. Occasionally, a link to somewhere else.
MEMO
This has been the home for various, infrequent weblogs or “blogs” (scroll way down—might be some interesting stuff). Currently (and more frequently), it’s a rundown of what’s going on now.
MEDIA
Individual pages for select books, movies, and articles, with links to take you there. Ongoing, and more soon.
MEMORABILIA
For now, consisting of three separate pages. SOCK MONKEYS: Images of favorite fiber-art sculptures/children's toys, most commonly resembling monkeys and often fashioned from old socks. PHOTOS: A few, random photographs, most of which spent time on the main page of this website before being replaced by something new. COLLAGE: Images of collages, made with paper and glue. Most of which are small, for sale, dusty, able to be dusted.
MEMOIR
Memoir is often a fictional account of personal experience, passed off as autobiography, but here it's used as a heading for the chronological pages that are home to my ongoing project of typing and posting my personal journals, usually written by hand, in notebooks. STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM SODA starts way back in 1972 (as always, the oldest entries are at the bottom of the page, and newly recorded ones at the top)—progressing through childhood, adolescence, and up to heavy drinking proprietor of a punk record store (in which I get some help from my friends). NOW IT CAN BE TOLD takes up the story in 1982, when things get serious, and will proceed (ideally) until 1996 in which NOTEBOOK JOURNALS commences, and will run until 2016, when the journey is taken up by NO MEMORY. The intention is to record notebook entries from that year until January 19, 2020, and the beginning of the final page: SEX DIARY (Sexagenarian Diary) (That's a joke.) (And the next memoir page, projected for the decade of the 2030s, will be titled “Deviated Septuagenarian.”) (God willing.) Please note: this is an ongoing project which depends on me living long enough to type and post the multitudes of journal entries. Half the time, I can't read my own handwriting, and there's very little chance that anyone else would have the interest or patience to take it up after my death.
LUNCH
PIE — Currently this is the place for the extent of my dessert intake, specifically; Sparking Water (I am on a quest to try them ALL). (In Older Posts: Memories, drinking, drugs, holidays, family, the forbidden, pipe tobacco, doughnuts, cupcakes, macaroons, tapioca pudding, mung bean and coconut milk, ice cream, incense, croquembouche, cookies, candy, pie, Sahara, strudel, Jello, flan, cannoli, fank, custard, halva, schweddy balls, rice pudding, schaum torte, and more!)
TACO — Near perfect concepts, far-ranging ideas, everyday breakfasts, favorite foods, local destinations, ongoing adventures, tacos…
COFFEE — Cafe, coffeehouse, espresso bar, cat cafe, tearoom, coffee shop, on and on…
DINER — Family restaurant, cafe, greasy spoon, hash-house, lunch counter, blue plate, cafeteria, luncheonette, diners, etc.
LISTS
READING is a reading list of books that I’ve heard about, read about, that have been recommended to me, and/or books that I’ve found, borrowed, or bought that I want to investigate to determine if I want to read—now, or in the very near future. BOOKS is where I post what I’m now calling “Book Reports”—as they are more akin to book reports from grade school than actual “reviews.” VINYL Now posting all review of vinyl records here, as well as my long-running blog: DJ FARRAGINOUS. STEELY DAN is the page where I write about individual songs by the band, Steely Dan, who may not be my favorite band of all time, but are definitely my favorite band to write about. MOVIES is the page for writing about movies. Currently, I’m trying to find, watch, and write about all existing Ella Raines movies. SOAP EXOTICA is reviews and musings on Bar Soap (over 100 varieties and counting!)—often overly extensive, and admittedly, somewhat insane. LISTZ-O-MANIA! is the new page for random lists and rankings. Currently there’s the revised ranking of James Bond movies, my 100 all-time favorite pop albums, and an ongoing ranking of Daniel Clowes books!
PODCAST
This is the home page for “The Randy Russell Podcast” in which RR talks to a guest for an hour or so. Each episode might have a rough theme, but overall there is no real focus (except for, naturally, the guest, and RR). You can listen directly from this page, or download the podcasts from Apple Podcasts and the Stitcher app.
CONTACT
On this page there are BIOS of contributors to this website, as well as contact information. (Though, there is no guarantee the contact information is valid. If you want, or need, to send an email regarding any of the contributors here, or anything on this website, please write to this address: RandySRussell at Gmail dot com (addressed in, you know, email form. Sorry, no hyperlink here). Please make sure to spell the name RandySRussell correctly. If you don't include the middle initial “S”—or spell the last name with two S's and two L's, your email will not reach who it's intended for. It's rough. But also, if you'd like to correspond that old-fashioned way, with paper, stamp, and envelope, first send an email, and if you can convince me you're a person, and not a bill collector, I will trade addresses, and communication can happen not unlike it's 1999.
FINALLY
If you've read this far, Thank You for reading!
