La Croix – Lemon

Could this be the most overlooked La Croix flavor? Or the one the quietly, secretly, sells more than all others—just because Pure is too boring and Lime is too limey and Razz-this and that is too weird? Somewhere in La Croix HQ they’re holding the closely guarded sales stats—what I’d give to see that document! But come to think of it… maybe I’d rather not know. This is a pretty good water—there is something about lemon that’s amazing. I mean, this water isn’t, but lemon in general. Maybe the best part of lemon is when you scratch the surface of the peel and the fragrant oil sprays up—and you think of closeup photos of the sun. But believe me, the sun doesn’t smell good. How do I know that? I just do. There was another lemon-flavored water—I might have liked that one better, but I’m not falling for comparing them head-to-head—that vicious game—nor am I going to dwell on past reviews. It’s all new. Each new flavor a clean slate. The can resembles your pee after too many B vitamins—if your pee was metallic, that is. I can’t help thinking the perfect thing mixed in with this water would be a little gin.

6.18.24