June 24, 1982 – Early

Got up at six. Looks like I was falling asleep last night writing. What I wanted to say is, I don’t know what we will talk about or decide. Maybe we shouldn’t see each other for a while if it bothers her that much. It might be healthy, and better for the future. I am concerned about our future. I am concerned about our future, because I still have hope, even though I might just be being foolish.

Anyway, I woke up this morning with much hope and optimism. Which is great in any case. That she called yesterday at all gives me some faith. I am best not to worry too much about it.

Mick gave me a story he wrote last night, and I like it, and I like some stuff I’ve been writing for Slam, and Dave sent me a story. So, Mick was urging me to do another magazine, so maybe I will if I get enough contributors and help. I am thinking of all kinds of ideas already, and it is a great thing to think about while working.

Later. Note: Refer to “Letter to Parents” (6-24-82) another masterpiece in letter writing. Well, time flew tonight. Talked to Mick for a long time after work. Nancy came over at 10. We had quite a discussion. It started without us talking and just staring. Then it took a turn for the worse, as we determined that she was letting me know that it was over between us. As we continued for quite a while, we determined that we should not be so close for a while and get our shit together. Things seemed to get better. I was again amazed with our ability to communicate on such a serious level. I don’t know if I am some smooth talker, or if we really love each other. I would prefer to believe the latter. After she left, I thought about the whole conversation and decided that I am totally confused and there is a good chance she is too. Still, I remain hopeful… but she said… what she wants, I cannot give her—you know—but she feels close to me—attracted sexually—but must be practical—wow—heavy stuff. I mean, my life we’re talking about, and, of course, hers, and of course, ours. I just don’t know, it’s all there but who can put it together or say what will happen—I just don’t know. Still I remain hopeful….