Sunday 21 August 2016

I'm at Ma Fischer's on Sunday—for, yes, Sunday Project! It's funny—in my old notebooks—once I started “Sunday Project” I was keeping it separate from my other journals. But now—going back and typing those journals, I want to put it all in chronological order—so that was a mistake. (Of course, now I'm writing journals in several different notebooks—so it will eventually be a challenge to type them all in chronological order.) (That is, if the journals, and I, and the project of typing them survives.) Another weird thing about the old ones—sometimes I had these ongoing projects of writing fiction in my journals—so now I am faced with the decision to include that or not—and how to approach it, etc. Anyway, this is one of the projects I'm now working on—I put all my old notebooks together—(and there are like 80 or so!) and I'm going through them, typing them, and putting them in in a blog—or will—two—one on my website, and one a Blogger blog (one starts in 1972—the other 1995—so they're like 20 years apart and 20 and 40 years ago!). I have no idea if anyone will ever what to read these—I don't care! However, one thing that is interesting to me is that I basically am doing the same thing as my first journal I kept when I was 12! (Maybe there was an earlier one, but it's lost.) And then when I was 16 I was doing a fictional story in my daily journal. I have changed a lot, of course, and I also haven't changed.

Well, it's a fun project, reading these, and typing them (I probably would never have just read them)—so that is that. I'm kind of learning a lot—actually—remembering things I totally forgot. Kind of exciting! Well, besides that I'm reading a lot lately, which is making me happy. It's been really hot—(mostly humid) just killer—so—and today is the first day it felt better—great weather! Various crises lately—trying to deal with them, and maybe doing OK—maybe not—won't go into it. I feel my mental state is kind of fragile—maybe cool weather will help. Ma Fischer's is still exactly the same—and now I am going to go next door to the Oriental for a movie.

Sunday 14 August 2016

I'm at Maxfield's Pancake House on Sunday morning, earlier than usual, which is nice—it's still full of people—it's bustling. I almost came here yesterday—but decided it was too rainy and humid—then forgot to go to the Farmer's Market—I went to the office, but didn't go to the gym—went to a frozen yogurt place—which was kind of fun—and then walked more and listened to podcasts. I worked on my website (Notebook Journals) and a Mexican restaurant review—and I did REX stuff in the evening, and I watched the Olympics (surprisingly good so far—especially beach volleyball, swimming, and track—2 really good 10,000 meter races). Later in the day I heard about another police shooting, and by night there were riots. There has got to be a better way than shooting people. I don't know—why does it keep happening? What if you had police have NO guns (just maybe SWAT teams—for like hostage situations) and have less cars—and hire more police—so save money on guns and cars (and especially the aftermath of shootings) and put money into greater numbers and more training (because they can't be beating people to death, either)—I'm sure my idea will go over really well. I guess what I should do is move to another country—there has to be someplace better. Anyway, you can see stuff like that coming—it's the hottest days of summer—and then people are cooped up because it's raining—and then people are also freaked out because it's so hard to find a job (it's always hard—even when the economy is good—so even harder when it's bad—and it always makes you feel helpless). So—things build up, then they explode. You look around, and because wealth is so flaunted, it really creates confusion. I'm confused, I know that.

Sunday 14 August 2016 – from Dream Notebook No. 2

Very realistic dream about shopping at a big sale, like a church sale or something, that is all African-American—this, after an evening reading about riots going on in Milwaukee; burning some stuff down—after another police shooting in Milwaukee. Anyway, I don't know what this sale is, or the community, or what city, but it's all very positive, people are nice—and I'm buying some shoes and a 1970s hat—but the main thing—a giant plastic cow—like something that would go in front of a restaurant, like a dairy farm place—or cheese or ice cream restaurant. And a guy is donating his trailer to attach to my van (or borrowed van?) to carry the cow back to where I live (somewhere like Cleveland?) and I'm kind of skeptical—how am I going to drive this thing? And then how will I get the trailer back to the guy?— but someone, maybe Peter? (who is helping me load it) says the guy doesn't necessarily want the trailer back.

Friday 12 August 2016

Qdoba, Water Street—technically the closest to me—closest Mexican food to Stately Wayne Manor. Anyway, it's fast food, but so exotic to come here—totally alien to me—it's like taking a vacation in my own town. Brisket tacos—pretty good! And Mexican Orange Fanta (too expensive). Anyway, happy to experience—the guy working, really nice—recommended stuff—and was just personable—made the whole experience good.

Wednesday 10 August 2016

I'm at the new Durbar Indian Buffet in the Park East Hotel—for lunch—1pm on a very hot day. Not so hot, but humid, close—or maybe it's me. I thought by this time of summer I'm used to it—but I can't breathe or think—for some reason it's getting to me, more than usual. But if I think back to some of the hottest times in summer—I wouldn't be trying to write—or do anything too ambitious—and I'd be like braindead and melt—and I'd drink—maybe smoke cigarettes. Now I'm actually getting some stuff done. Anyway, I think I might be partially disoriented because I got up at 5am this morning—read a little—then went immediately out on a walk (well, 6:30) and I was so into the podcasts I was listening to (I listened to 4, or parts of 4 different ones) and of course walking—that I went for like a 2 hour walk—ended by a trip to the grocery store—so my whole day had a disorienting slant—it seems both later, now, and earlier, than it should—weird. Also, kind of like—what day is this? My work schedule—for REX stuff and Chris is kind of all over the place—which I like, in theory, anyway—no routine or fixed times—but on the other hand—it's disorienting, too, so I don't know. Anyway, yesterday—I had to go into the office and look for some documents—not easy to find—yet I did find them, so that was good. At least for how much a big waste of time that is—mission accomplished. But then, in general, I feel like I've been working too much for the amount I'm getting paid—yet, I'm essentially the one who decides how many hours I work—so it's all on me. And then, because Chris said something about liquidating stuff, it got me worrying that my work might dry up. I woke up at 4am yesterday with anxiety. But again, that's me—I'm the one making the anxiety. Always worry about jobs, money—but why? I guess I always will.

Friday 5 August 2016

I'm at Maxfield's Pancake House on Friday—I felt crappy all morning—but once I started riding my bike I felt good. What does that say? Ride bike more! I got up at 6 or so—read a little—then finished reading Chris's script, which he sent me a few days ago—and by 10am I was ready to get out of the apartment! So it was 2 hours of reading “Hampton” script and maybe 2 hours of my own stuff, which was maybe eating cereal and going to the bathroom—washing dishes. But I only read for like ½ hour—a book—where does the time go? The thing that's kind of messed up is—I feel like all the stuff I have to do for Chris really adds up—go to the office, find something, send mail, stuff like the script reading (though it doesn't come up often, it's actually a lot of hours) and then REX stuff where I'm just working on my own. All this stuff just adds up, and sometimes I think I should just get a regular job—but that's not so easy—and could actually be worse, too. Well, these are the problems, on and on. The one thing to make me feel better is to make something.

Tuesday 2 August 2016

In that I'm feeling basically unhappy lately, for no real good reason—I had to ask myself WHY—and try to make changes—because real pain and misery will come soon enough—why can't I feel better in these brief periods between the really bad stuff? Discussing here is my way of trying to make a change—since I'm not going to therapy and don't really have anyone to talk to about it. A lot of my worry is around my work (REX app) and pay, money, etc. But look—all I have to do is keep track of hours and decide what I should get paid per hour and and adjust how much I work accordingly—there is no one berating me or telling me I'm not doing enough—and I'm sure I am doing enough—I'm eternally too oversensitive—I just have to get over that.

Next—what am I really unhappy about? It is this: not working on my new novel (including the drawing and zine part?) and not working my old novel (including putting it on Kindle)—why don't I just work on those more? If I don't want to, it's okay! I'm the only one who cares—I should just do what makes me happy—I work on stuff every day. But if I just want to watch a movie or sports—that's okay. I do a lot, and what I want to do is more than anyone can possibly do, anyway. So what it comes down to is: it's all on me—I can't blame anyone else for my unhappiness—but it seems like that's what the human default setting tends to always try to do.

I'm at the Bollywood Grill on a fairly hot Tuesday—this food is delicious. Ate too much, as usual. I went for a walk this morning, listening to podcasts—short walk turned into a long walk—so I can now stay in for the rest of the day. I wish it was cooler—but still, not a fan of AC. Well, it's August and a month from my favorite weather time of the year.

Saturday 30 July 2016 – Maxfield's Pancake House

It's been awhile since I've been to Maxfield's. I had a flat tire on my old bike—but even more—I don't know really... too hot... too much REX work? Anyway, it was nice to get my tire fixed easily and cheaply last week, and nice to ride a bike! Still two solid months of good bike weather, plus, maybe October, maybe even November. I got my stuff ready for the IRS yesterday (to dispute a claim that I owe them $), not that hard—took only an hour—but the anxiety around the whole fiasco can't be underestimated. I woke up this morning full of anxiety—couldn't go back to sleep—out of sorts—why? Bad dreams, for one thing—have to get away from the dreams—buy why? Why bad ones? Most likely anxiety, it's this IRS stuff—but also, just REX stuff in general—I can't tell if it's just dying a horrible death—or if it's moving right along—working for Chris in general—I can't tell if he's happy about it or not, or indifferent—no communication. Maybe it's me, not writing enough, which I displace? Anyway, I'm not real happy with a lot of the REX work—and not happy with the pay. Maybe if I get my shit together—write, do art, and then find a job—maybe more $—maybe everything else will fall into place.

(Note: Word for possible use in K2 structure: PREDICATE—It might be a stretch, but read about the word and meaning—it certainly can be a bad band name and a weird ship name.)


Friday 29 July 2016

I'm at La Fuente, 625 S. 5th Street, after I walked for one and a half hours, trying to decide where to eat. (Or if I was.) I walked down to Mitchell Street and was really impressed with how sad some of he neighborhoods are—just pretty depressing and grim—and even though there are a lot of Mexican places on the South Side—they are spread way out—at least for a walker—it's really car zone here—I was like the only on walking most of where I walked—very lonely. And it's 70 degrees, Friday—great day to be out—and no one is! Kind of depressing. So finally I made my way back to La Fuente—I'm sure I've been here, but couldn't really remember. So now is the time. I had al pastor tacos—very saucy, tasty, onion and cilantro and lime—very good! With rice and beans--$11.41 with tax. Big lunch—I took pics (a lot of food). I can write my review—it's a popular gringo spot with huge outdoor dining—good music. Big bar and TVs, OK music, very popular, but solid.

Sunday 24 July 2016

I'm at El Comedor (1039 W. National at 11th) on a very humid day—when I went out it didn't seem too hot, but by the time I hit National it was like I entered a HEAT SINK (whatever that is—it sounds good). But I didn't feel that hot—but when I came in this place it was like I'd climbed out of a pond! Anyway, this place is great—big and spacious—kind of fast-foodish with crap tables (same ones as Mykonos). It's comfortable—and yuppie-free. Nice atmosphere, really. I got too much food! I couldn't decide. Huaraches are featured—but I want breakfast, since that's what I set out for (decided to skip Pfister, skipped Zak's, and Sunday Project). So I got huevos con chorizo—since that's what I used to get all the time at Lopez Bakery. It's good, not spectacular. Anyway, I think I could order better next time—the good part—they make corn tortillas here—they are big and good—four came with breakfast—too much food! *Must return to try more stuff to properly review.

Thursday 14 July 2016 – Vagabond Tacos

“High School Art Class” by Chet Faker (Music I didn't like on the DJ system.) $2 taco Tuesday/Thursday (like BelAir in many respects) only a few select tacos are $2 – chips are not gluten-free—fried with other fried stuff! (8305 N Regent Road – No idea why this address is here in my notebook!) The waitress—great—really nice, checked on gluten-free stuff—like she really cared! It's more of a bar, really—Winnebagos (or fake Winnebagos?) used in the décor. (This is my second visit—first was with Doug.) Much the same—tacos are too busy, too many ingredients, not enough tortilla. Atmosphere sucks—Water Street bar, essentially, it is. Food too busy, but still tasty, and the $2 deal is cool (wish it included rice and beans).

Wednesday 13 July 2016

I'm at Lou Mitchell's in Chicago—on my layover of Amtrak trains between Sandusky—where I just visited for a week—and Milwaukee, and back home—if Milwaukee is my home, which it seems to be. Anyway, I had a nice visit for a week in Sandusky. I didn't write in my notebook at all in Sandusky because whenever I went out to eat anywhere I went with Jeff. I worked a lot on REX stuff while there—not really a drag at all—it's nice to be able to work 3 or 4 hours a day while on vacation—that's kind of ideal. I'm not really someone who is going to sit on a porch and sip a piña colada and clear my mind of all responsibility, unfortunately, as nice as that sounds!

Tuesday 5 July 2016

I'm in Chicago at Corner Bakery, which is one of those chain type places I never go—but I just couldn't stand the thought of going to that foul food court upstairs in Union Station—actually I was on my way there and took the wrong stairs, went outside, sidewalk closed, it's 88 degrees and rush hour (though very quiet and subdued). But still, Chicago is a foul sty. People are not friendly. What's the point of living in a society when people are not friendly? Anyway, I avoid these places because they are sterile, have no personality—but I guess they serve a purpose. I wish the Marquette Inn was still open—the place I used to go in Chicago layover—but it is not. Anyway, maybe I'll start coming to places like this when I have a train layover like this, why not—can always get a salad—which is at least healthy—and good—and it's so much nicer to sit here than at the fucking food court, and it like $10—not bad—I wouldn't have to carry so much food with me then—though I am not really today carrying that much. The only bad part really is the music they're playing, which sucks. The music playing in the Great Hall—Amtrak is now actually using the Great Hall for waiting and boarding trains, which is nice—but sucko music! Why is there so much bad music? I guess because there are a lot of people who like it. Whenever I hear a bunch of crap music, it makes me mad, and also want to play music. But how to go about it? It's just as hard as getting writing published... But I do kind of want to do something that I might be embarrassed about—and then refuse to be embarrassed. I know my songs are good—the good ones—and there are a few—though I never write any now. But I could—maybe? But where to play—that's a problem. There has to be a place to play where I would choose to spend time in on purpose. Does such a place even exist? I always think of the King Avenue Coffee House in Columbus, when I saw Beat Happening there—1987? There must be some places to play that aren't totally heinous, I'm not alone on this, am I?

Thursday 30 June 2016 – Maxfield's Pancake House

This is the date every* year I write a poem “June 30, June 30” because of the Richard Brautigan poem (and book) by that name. Maybe I will this year—still keeping with the poem blog—called Poultry—or whatever—I like it—some good stuff there in my opinion—whether anyone sees it or not. Maybe I should start using the fucking social media like a normal person! (Maybe I should actually see what Brautigan's poem refers to someday!)

 

June 30 June 30

Since last time

everything has doubled,

and in some cases doubled

again. Though not

everything. I know that's

not what you want to

hear.

—Randy Russell 30 June 2016

 

I'm at Maxfield's Pancake House. 10am on a Thursday. I just wrote a poem. Rode here on my bike, early. I'm debating going to Starbucks for an espresso, or maybe, if I need to, coffee shop on my way by the mall.

*not exactly every

Friday 24 June 2016

I'm at Benji's this morning (late) (11am) breakfast—I guess eating out a lot lately (I went to the Original Pancake House with Brent, yesterday) but what the hell, it's summer now, and a really nice day today, and I wanted to ride my bike and this seemed like a good, not that far, biking spot (plus, I went through Estabrook Park, which is really nice this morning) and I haven't been to Benji's since I was cat-sitting for Anne Leplae—and I like Benji's!

Though I don't feel like lingering this morning—it's already almost noon! Plus, Great Britain voted to leave the EU, and I'm voting to leave here, now, plus it's nice out...

Wednesday 22 June 2016

I am at the Bollywood Grill on the first Wednesday of official summer and it's been hot lately, also a lot of REX work lately—too much, really, and I don't know how to reconcile that, but I'm trying to just not worry about it and let things work out by themselves, because they usually do.

Sometimes, however, I must act impulsively, and now, such as today for lunch, after I finished four hours of computer work this morning (well, five, because I started doing my stuff, then REX stuff) and felt not like making lunch, so I came directly to my favorite Indian close by lunch place—which has seemed a little spotty on the consistency lately—but maybe that's just because the more I learn how good some things can—and should—be, the more I'm prone to some level of disappointment. But it's still really good.

I made a BIG list of stuff I want to do this afternoon—so I guess I'll try to do these things (and continue on into evening and early next morning, I guess). It includes: walk, pushups, buy coffee somewhere, read, work on my website, clean my apartment, organize notebooks, get 0TV info together for a documentary (Zero TV!) Barry and Andrew are working on!

Friday 17 June 2016

I'm at the Plaza Cafe on 17 June 2016—past halfway thru June I guess—nearing official 1st day of summer—hasn't exactly felt like summer—today it does. I'm still cat-sitting for Roy (since last Saturday) and coming by my place every day briefly—taking things from place to place (mostly some laundry) but only a few minutes—and mostly being at Roy's house, mostly at the kitchen table where I have my computer, and am working on stuff. John had put the TV in the closet, was away—so I figured no TV, that's okay, in fact better (of course, I watch Netflix on my computer)—but anyway, no TV is a huge improvement (though I did miss two NBA finals games—which might have been okay since the Cavs won them—but still, anyway). Anyway, instead of TV I've been listening to records, which is great—and writing some record articles for DJ Farraginous blog—which makes me feel a lot better than watching crap on TV. Also, working on my huge Mexican restaurant list, for my website. And of course, REX work.

Sunday 5 June 2016 – Sunday Project

I'm at the Pfister for breakfast on a Sunday—for my Sunday Project! Not going to take much time today—sitting by the front like last time I came here. Which I don't mind since I like seeing people come and go—but it's the shit table, for sure. I think this place is a little snobby. It's not outrageously expensive, but it's not cheap—and it's inconsistent. I mean—there's gluten-free toast—but one piece. What is that shit? I might have to switch Sunday Project to another location—unless I can just get into complaining. They have a flat screen TV on the wall that's put into an old, gold frame—which is kind of brilliant, and funny, but still kind of sad because it's a flat screen TV! One thing about this place, you don't have to worry about being kind of disheveled (which I always am) just because it's a fancy hotel—this is the butthole of the hotel, I guess—people here—some of them—look like they rolled right out of a pool of vomit. There was an old guy wearing flipflops and shorts that looked more like boxer shorts than shorts—they probably were! Anyway, come on—one piece of toast, with no butter. Fuck that! (Though at least they don't charge extra.)

Friday 3 June 2016

I'm at Maxfield's Pancake House in Friday, the first Friday in June—it's 70 degrees, very nice out, no rain today—looks like rain tomorrow, so I thought today's the day for a bike ride. The bike ride is the thing. Eating here is secondary—though it is nice being able to eat pancakes.

Now that it's June I think maybe I should get up earlier—it's nice to go out early—but I need to be up for awhile, coffee, bathroom, etc., before I go out—so earlier the better! But it's hard to get to bed early enough—and I blame the REX stuff—the late engaging with the characters. Maybe I should just force myself to go to bed at a certain time—stop the work—it's not like I can't get in enough hours. Lately I've been watching Mad Men—kind of last thing of the day, so I should start that an hour before I go to bed—I've been sleeping six hours lately—which I think is better for me than five or four, like I used to—is 5am early enough? Anyway, I should watch TV and sew at 9pm—try that. Why not. Oh, my, this is boring! I'm glad no one is ever going to probably read this damn thing! Okay, this is like ten times longer than it's ever took for my food to come, here—and I even got here before the lunch rush (which starts at 11:30 in Milwaukee). Anyway, that's good because this is my second breakfast. What I want to do today and this weekend is work on some stuff for my website—my notebook journal stuff—retyping old journals, organizing old notebooks (I just got everything out to re-organize and clean) (so maybe I can find all my old notebooks)—which can't possibly excite anyone but me—but I don't care—it's interesting to me.

Also—I want to work on lists—all kinds—which is really geeky—but fun—it's a fun thing for me—ranking things, listing—I'm making a list of all the Mexican restaurants in Milwaukee—also, I have to finish my Coen Brothers article/list—and re-do my 100 movies. (Idea I just had—put intro to 100 movies list that explains how it was made in 2012—so no movies after 2012—and I'll make a new one some day.) (This solves Coen dilemma—only Big Lebowski is on 100 movies list.) And then got to start drawing, drawing new zine—and also do collages again.

Monday 30 May 2016 – Memorial Day

I'm at Chuck's Place in Thiensville—for breakfast on Memorial Day Monday—I'm having ½ order of “hoffel poffel” omelette (w/ “f” instead of “p”—what's that mean? I'll have to look this up). It's not remotely an omelette—a “scramble” would be accurate. Anyway, it's good. Not remotely healthy. I'm sitting at the counter, which I told myself I'd do next time, last time (or first time) I came here. I remembered! (This is third time here—second time I came with Brent.) It's a beautiful sunny spring/summer morning—in the 60s, now 70s—it's now 10:10 AM. I left around 8:30—on my bike. My old bike had a flat—which is weird, sitting in the bike room—though, it happens—no need to be paranoid—I probably punctured it last time I was riding it and got a slow leak—the day I bought my new computer. Anyway, this new bike trail is amazing. Way shorter than before—and all trail—not one street at all—a couple of blocks here in Thiensville is all I had to go on streets. I'm not going to hang around—I want to be riding more...