I have already included an Introduction, which makes a preface not only redundant, but silly, though sometimes people seem to have a need for it. And then a Foreword, as well. I'm not really sure what's supposed to be in each one, so I looked them up and watched several YouTube videos with people patiently explaining the differences, talking from different settings: a woman in her garden, a man in what looks like a classroom he broke into, and a man in a bathtub! (That one will no doubt be taken down, soon, or do they allow nudity on YouTube now?) I also found out that I had spelled foreword wrong in my introduction—I spelled it “Forward” (which could be taken to be its own thing, I guess), but at least I didn't commit the grievous error of spelling it “Foreward”—which, according to this guy, should be punishable by death.

Anyway, there is nothing really to say in a Foreword, at this point (nor an introduction or preface, for that matter) but I'm just trying to stall before making the big step, the big commitment, to present The Golden Pineapple here among these pages. Okay, there is no real commitment, I'm just stalling while I wait to hear back from a little mom and dad publishing house (okay, it was Farrar, Straus and Giroux) for news of unqualified acceptance and a cash advance. Maybe I shouldn't have sent them all three paper boxes full of manuscript, but I thought it was a bold move at the time. Sometimes those things backfire, though. Oh, well, my backup plan, to publish it here in serial form, might be the better option anyway. No cash, no prestige, no book tour, but The GP will be out in the world finally, a living, breathing thing, and I can enjoy a back and forth dialogue with my readers (see email address in “contact” page) – which is also how you can arrange personal appearances and readings in your home town small bookstore (we can discuss terms, conditions, stipends, honorariums, dietary restrictions, M&M's, expectations, etc., individually, along with more intimate details). For now, as Bugs and Daffy sing, “On with the show—This Is It!”

—R. Speen, June 2017