Sunday, December 18, 1977

I recently had an interview with the old, indescribable Uncle Oompah. He was found living in the basement of a dark gas station, where he had not ventured from in quite some time. The neighbors were asked about him and they all sweared they never knew of anything living below the gas station except for a few old rats. No one has ever even seen a light from the station basement. The gas station attendant didn't even know he was down there and the only reason I found out was because I got a mysterious telegram signed “Oompah” which said he was ready for an interview and gave me the location. U.O. has not been heard from for years, and this is a very rare interview.