Saturday, December 17, 1977

Uncle Oompah is not into bullshit at all either. At one time in his life he was going with a Catholic priest's daughter, and she insisted that he go to church with her. He unwillingly consented, and as his girlfriend was in the choir, he sat alone in the front row. When time came for communion, he was first in line. He willingly took a glass of wine and as he sipped it, a sour look came across his face. “That's nothing but Welch's grape juice,” he whispered to an attendant, “how the hell do you expect to catch a fucking buzz off of that?” The attendant asked him rather loudly to sit back down and keep his mouth shut. After the service, U.O. got in line for confession booth to “confess his sins.” When he recognized the voice of the priest in the booth he started out by saying, “Well, I screwed your daughter.” The priest ripped his way through the booth and tried to kill dear old U.O. Uncle Oompah didn't, however, press charges. Though he didn't date the priest's daughter any more.