THE LONGEST NIGHT IN THE WORLD
We start with drinking all day. Don't drink your first beer until after 12 because that means you're an alcoholic. Al Capone movie is on, lot of people are over, sitting on the floor. I'm drunk as hell already, cooking potatoes and eggs, not one paying customer, this is supposed to be a fucking store? It is 7, we be closed, who cares? We practice (or do we)? More people over... everything is lost in a drunken haze. New folks and old folks... Spot, Toad, Johnny, Tom, Brad, Keith, everyone, you know, Al and Heidi, and the Tormentor's sound man. It starts getting out of hand, people are wrestling, I want to get out so I start insisting we leave. We take beer. We go to, no wait...
Three things really set the mood for the evening: 1) Burger Chef and Jeff flipped out taped record, perplexing pickle, for the other team, fortheotherteam. 2) Licorice root, a powerfully subtle organic root drug done by Spot, Keith, and I. 3) Clove oil, a powerful organic drug that you can smell forever, including right now as I type, makes you drool uncontrollably, gums numb.
Let's get the fuck out of here now to Big Wow party at 804 Depeyster. And we are going the wrong way down Depeyster, I know this, other people know this, but don't argue with a wild, viciously malicious vandal mob regressed to a primitive state from horrible alcohol consumption. We eventually have to turn back, of course, and go south on Depeyster, but again some of us know that the goddamn party is not even at the house we are trying to find, but again you cannot argue with a stupidly drunk mob, so you instead dive into the shrubs, slur words like, “not that tight.” You know. All the while drinking more. Some of the more sane people in our staggering gang disappear and no one realizes what or why. Why? And we finally are freezing cold, so use our heads and head for the F Model's house to ask where we are going. They tell us and we are on our way again and soon totally lost again, but we then stumble onto our destination. And why not? It is a really cool party place like in this split-level basement garage, and to my despair there is a KEG of beer that we MUST drink. We were looking forward to hearing some innovative music but everyone is done playing and moving upstairs (possibly because of us) SO we MUST do our OWN MUSIC, so it's Burger Chef & Jeff. SCORED THREE TOUCHDOWNS for the other team for the other team for the other team. And we do an industrial noise song where I assign each person in our circle a noise and we do it all together and then I play drums and do I feel some swastikas or is it my imagination? Extreme tempo changes and then we are really flippin' like doing Burger Chef & Jeff backwards like ks kjdjs dgejskls djdjdjs ksksjdjkwurisis. We get out of that damn place before it kills us and are really fucking up trying to get back, police bother us, we bother the folks at Dominos, someone gets a free piece, someone buys a pizza, I get a mushroom off the floor and eat it and ask for empty pizza boxes and THEY GIVE ME SOME. Get rid of those drunks. On the way back I stab my knife in the boxes and then notice it is GONE. I retrace my steps and cannot find it so I give up and head back. I say, fuck, a twenty dollar knife gone, and kick a pile of leaves, and then... the knife is sliding across the sidewalk. Believe this it be true. When I reach the rest of the comrades back at the Models' house I tell them this whole story about finding my knife. Tom is fucking with me though, saying, “You go through the whole story.” So then they say I almost stabbed him, but I say noooo, anyway, Tom cuts himself with safety pins on his arms. Then to torture them I go through the whole damn story again and DRAG IT OUT. Then everyone is acting like brainless monkeys again and Spot burns up a whole pan of eggs. I've got to get out before someone comes out with a gun. So I leave and Brad does too and we both come back to the store to pass out and there is a note on the door from Sherry that says 2 cases of beer at a party and her phone number so I call and talk for a long time, I'm sure quite incoherently, and then I do not realize that I absolutely don't need anymore beer. But she says she will come over in a while so I say alright, I'll stay up. But of course doze off while listening to music, and Brad falls asleep. I must only fall asleep for about a half hour and then Sherry comes in the door. I am awake and not real hostile because I don't have a low intellect. We sit around for a while and then she says let's go in that back room and I say no I don't think you'd want to, it is a mess. She sys that don't bother me and then she goes back there and comes back out and says, UM, it is a mess isn't it, and by now it is getting light outside so I say let's go over to Jerry's and get some coffee so I can stay awake. We do this and I am very wasted. I say what is this zucchini bread, and the waitress says, It's the last piece, so I say, I must have it. It is good. The coffee makes my eyesight very clear. We then have to pay and I have only about 11 cents so she pays for me. I am still drunk and now speeding and very scurvy and feel like a real sleaze. We drive to her apt in Cuyahoga Falls and start drinking beer and... this is the MORNING. But it still seems like the previous night. We go out to this park and this gorge and waterfalls. I have to pee but am careful to watch where because I don't want to piss on the leg of a forest ranger as they blend in with the trees. We go back to her apt and drink more and now time is very weird indeed and I drift in and out of consciousness, though I really am not very drunk, it is the overall fatigue. I am saying weird things for sure, though I do not remember too well. When Sherry's roommate Carol goes out and gets us food from Burger Chef I start saying things like You're incrediburgable Burger Chef and perplexing pickle. Also, the cat is crazy and flipped out, it being all black and having eyes that are ROUND and not like cats eyes. Almost too much for me. I am still drinking quite a bit and doing clove oil. The bottle is almost gone. We go to sleep fairly early and then I have weird almost visions of like things in the air in the room and I have a dream of being in a war. It is much too realistic. In the morning I take a shower and am not so scurvy anymore. I am very very tired today and I'm sure it shows in my typing. I am now going to go to bed... fuck this typing... I'm going to church next Sunday.