Sunday, October 2, 1977

My car, a 1966 V.W. Squareback, is more than it looks. It has a conventional, hard working 4 cylinder engine, aided by a double turbo charger, and a computer controlled 4 speed gearbox, which makes it very fast by conventional standards. For abstract traveling, the car has an anti-matter warp drive engine. This will take the car instantly to near or past the speed of light. The AM radio is actually the flight computer to control these processes. There is a large arsenal in the car that is seldom used but always ready. This consists of the ordinary twin laser guns, the powerful photon torpedoes, and 4 remote controlled explosive anti-matter pods, located in the hubcaps. There are also nuclear weapons: a pair of neutron bombs and an alpha-omega ultra powerful doomsday bomb.

Saturday, October 1, 1977

Recently, there have been strange beings trying to attack my house. What they are after I don't know. I think it may be my automobile, a 1966 Volkswagen. They also may be after my priceless artwork or beautiful poems. These creatures come only in the night. I have never seen them clearly, because of darkness. They are only about four feet tall and wear coats with hoods that cover their faces. They never make a sound, and always walk quietly and stay in the shadows. Only once have they been in the house. On a very quiet night, I was having nightmare and woke up. I saw shadows moving outside my bedroom doorway. I quietly grabbed my Wrist Rocket slingshot from my bed-stand and a lead sinker. Then I peeked out from under my covers to see a pale boney hand clutching a long, twisting, silver dagger come slowly around the corner. I waited until the creature was upon me and I let the sinker fly full force. The creature squealed and was down the hallway and gone.

Friday, September 30, 1977

Billy Carter is my hero. He is now promoting a beer named after him, called Billy Beer. I think this will be the only beer I will drink. I admire Billy because he makes money and takes advantage of it. He doesn't care what people think, and he just does what he wants to. He is probably very honest and is just a good old redneck. I think I will send for an autographed picture of him to hang above my cooler.

Thursday, September 29, 1977

I hate it when monkeys get in our trash cans. This gets me very upset. They jump around and make a big mess, spilling garbage all over the driveway. Many mornings I am awakened at 3 or four o'clock to the sound of “oooh, ooooh, ooh, ooooh, ooooh.” I think the only solution to the problem would be to lay out and wait for the monkeys to come in the morning. Then aim my .458 magnum rifle at them and squeeze the trigger. If mom would only give me my bullets back this would work. Or maybe I could buy some monkey traps at Hills.

Wednesday, September 28, 1977

The ammunition for food fighting in the lunchroom is the most important aspect. Food, of some kind, is usually used. The french fry is most commonly used, and a variation: the catsup covered fry is used for more damage. Some of the best ammo is various fruit cocktail. The pieces are aerodynamically designed, and are nice and juicy. Because they are small, they can be used many at a time. For heavy duty fire, sandwich pieces are often used, and big tomato slices from salad is very effective. Applesauce can be very devastating, but is dangerous to use. Grapes are a long time proven favorite and strawberries are in the experimental stage. Finally, ham and rice is just recently being considered.

Tuesday, September 27, 1977

Daily, I observe the art of food fighting in the lunchroom. I pick up a lot of tips and would consider myself an expert, just from observing. The only weapon used is the plastic spoon to “flick” food. Throwing food is not generally accepted, though some very low characters may try it. The technique is very important. The right hand holds the spoon while the thumb or index finger of the left hand pulls it back and releases it quickly. The front teeth are also sometimes used in place of the left hand. The straight ahead shot is the most common, though the over the head shot is sometimes used.

Monday, September 26, 1977

I think it is terrible that someone purloined the Senior flag from the lunchroom. If this is not returned, the Seniors will not have a flag for the spirit contest, heaven forbid. This was not a very humorous prank (and quite childish) and I think the hoodlum should give it back immediately. When they catch the culprit, they should give him 24 detentions. Or better yet they should make him spend the rest of the year in the white house.

Sunday, September 25, 1977

I have a definite cure for the common cold. When there is a day that I feel that I am getting a bad cold, I wait until it gets to its peak. Then that night I do my ritual or ceremony. I put on my sacred housecoat and a cloth turban and prepare the remedies. When I have the preparations done, I turn all of the lights off and light the candles. Then I chant weird words and drink the first cup down. This consists of Tisa Fruit Cubes, 3 crushed aspirin, one gram vitamin C, honey, hot water, and one more secret ingredient. After downing this I swallow a wine glass of 151 proof Puerto Rican rum. Then I sip a glass of sassafras tea. I put the candles out and go get into a painfully hot bath. I stay in the boiling water until I am sweating and cannot stand it anymore, then I get out and drink a large glass of red wine. After this I retire to bed and sleep well. When I wake up in the morning I feel 100% better.

Saturday, September 24, 1977

Organisms are quite fascinating. They have the ability to organize protoplasm. They are a complex system of substances. Organisms use a constant supply of energy. They are made up of cells, the basic units of life. They are capable of growth and produce only like organisms. They have a life span and respond and are affected by the environment. Organisms vary or adopt. Finally, organisms reproduce.

Friday, September 23, 1977

I think M*A*S*H is the best show on television. It is year after year the most funny show, by far. The writers must be hard working geniuses, that come up with jokes that make every line side-splitting. The way the lines are delivered makes them exceptional. Alan Alda and Mike Farrell go back and forth with their quick lines and accent each other quite well. The rest of the characters are all great, too. What makes M*A*S*H different from other than comedies, however, is that it can be serious, and has many anti-war messages.

Thursday, September 22, 1977

I favor rock musicians who are not commercial and who do what they want to. Bob Dylan is like this. He does not have a thousand concerts a year, and he does not give interviews to just any magazine. Jimmy Buffett is another example. He started out singing in bars, and now that he is more famous he still acts like he is just a little nightclub singer. He doesn't wear a lot of fancy sparkling clothes, but just clothes he is comfortable in along with his Adidas shoes. The musicians he plays with enjoy it because he is not an egomaniac.

Wednesday, September 21, 1977

I hate when people who are, or think they are, big stars wear fancy, sparkly, fake looking clothing. They have to act so commercial and give so much bullshit. An example of this is Dolly Parton. She wears so much garbage she sometimes looks like Big Bird on Sesame Street. Peter Frampton is also getting very commercial. He seems to be out to make money and nothing else. He started out good, but as he got more famous his music seemed to get worse and his concerts less interesting.

Tuesday, September 20, 1977

The Perkins vs. Bellevue football game Friday night was better described at the Knightly battle of the Gladiators of the pigskin. It started out with a booming kickoff by Perkins. The Pirates' 5'11'', 170 fearless Mark Jones went flying down the field at a speed that would rival a Phantom jet fighter. He was constantly met by Redmen blockers, teeth gritted, ready for a deadly collision. But Jones time and again jumped completely over them. As Jones approached the ball carrier, the Redman tried to get mercy by running out of bounds, but the ruthless Jones hit him full force with a deafening “crack” that had the Redmen shaking in their cleats the rest of the night. The remainder of the game went downhill.

Monday, September 19, 1977

I would like to take an entry to briefly describe the Michael Stanley Band concert I recently attended (Saturday night) at Oberlin College. My friends and I watched near the door of the ancient Finney Chapel until they burst open and we rushed down the aisle to the second pew. After an hour of playing Frisbee in the church, the band came on and were greeted with a deafening uproar. On the whole they were quite good, and the lead guitar player, Jonah Koslen, was especially impressive. He was almost the group leader ahead of Michael Stanley and had everyone singing and clapping on “Strike Up the Band” and was all over the stage during the Beatles' “Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except for Me and My Monkey,” playing guitar enthusiastically and going generally crazy as we did likewise. The drummer was much better than average and the keyboard player was excellent. The seats were the best ever, only about ten feet away, and we could even read the names on the guitars.

Sunday, September 18, 1977

Sometime in the next few years, I would like to take a canoe trop down the Mississippi River, as inspired by Huck Finn. I would start at Loudonville, Ohio and travel the Mohican River and the systems of rivers in Ohio to the Ohio River, which I would follow to the Mississippi. I would then travel down to New Orleans. This would be an exciting trip, though maybe a bit expensive. I would try to cut down costs by sleeping in forests or graveyards near the river for free. I figure I should give myself three months to make the trip.

Saturday, September 17, 1977

As far as food goes, the San-Dar Smorgasbord in Bellville, Ohio is the best restaurant I've eaten at. This is because of the huge variety of food and the excellent preparation. I always start off the meal by getting a plate of only salads. They serve at least twenty different excellent salad dishes. The main course is hard to choose so it is best to take a little of everything. The sirloin tips are succulent and the scallops are the best I've had anywhere. The dessert table is the most spectacular. The Key Lime pie leads the list of countless amounts of pies and cakes of every imaginable variety. The Dutch Apple dessert is famous, and it definitely should not be missed. Though you will always get your money's worth, it is best not to drink too much or eat any bread, and stay for a couple of hours.

Friday, September 16, 1977

Listening to music is one of the most enjoyable activities I engage in. It is almost as fun as general hell raising. When you feel sad or depressed, you can listen to music that will cheer you up. When you feel bored, you can listen to music that will excite you. When you feel nervous or uptight, you can listen to music that will relax you. When you feel tired you can listen to music that will revitalize you or put you to sleep. Music can be your best friend.

Thursday, September 15, 1977

Sometime after Cross Country season is over, it would be nice to go backpacking in Pennsylvania. I camped there once before in November and it was very fun. It was in the Allegheny National Forest, where there are many places to hike. I have most of the equipment I need, and would only have to buy food. The drive there is not too bad, and if I could take a Friday off of school, it would give me two nights there. There is a lot to do there, like excellent rock climbing, and caves to explore. When out in the wilderness, even each meal is exciting. I have not gone backpacking in over a year now, and I would really enjoy going again if I can find a friend to go and it is not too cold when I have a chance.

Wednesday, September 14, 1977

I would like to ride my bicycle across the country. This is a goal which I would like to reach in the next four years, but the sooner the better. I would probably make it a summer trip, starting out in May or June. I then would ride as many miles as possible a day, trying to hit relatives' homes along the way, for free lodging and a good meal. Money would be a problem, but I would spend as little as possible, eating little, but free food such as fruit, and sleeping outside, where it would be free. I would like to eventually end up in California or Oregon.

Tuesday, September 13, 1977

We have a talking dog. Our dog is a Sheltie, or Shetland Sheepdog, and she is about six years old. She doesn't usually talk or carry on a conversation, but she says a word or two once in awhile. I only heard her talk once, although my mother told me she talked long ago, but I never really believed her. Then one night I came home and the dog was looking out the screen window and was excited as usual. To my amazement, she let out a yawning sound that was clearly defined as the word “hello.” I was shocked but then I realized she must try to imitate our word for greeting with her primitive vocal structure, and did a good job.